I was a fool again/I need help
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I was a fool again/I need help
| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 12:48pm |
Well hi again, I am back.... I need to be hit in the head with a 2x4..... my husband and i talked two weeks ago, he said he wanted to make things work for us, so like an idiot I fell for it again, he said he was going to a conseler which he is... but didn't want to move back in yet until things were better with him, he has MANY issues...so in two weeks I thought things where great, he told me to find a place for a second honeymoon, we where going out having a great time... well yesterday he didn't call me so I called and he was very distant. last night i wrote him a note and told him that i think something is wrong that he needs to be honest with me.. I love this man very much even after all he has done to me, he has left about 4 times, once I paid for divorce and the night before he wanted back...when will I learn... so last night i wrote him, well this morning I got my response, it was : I tried to make myself believe I was happy but I'm not and I don't see this working out, I sorry plese forgive me... and that was it.... I am again devestated.. how much can one person take...I know the answer already, it's as much as I let him give.. I really need to get off this roller coaster, I had to leave work I was so upset. Please any advice would be helpful.. I need to stop this for my own sanity or I will lose it real soon... I know I deserve better... Sorry I need some help to get me past this. thank you... I am sorry I need to vent....oh and by the way I'm not a young women I should now better I'm 53, and have been with this man for 8 yrs...

Hi Kathy,
We keep going back because we want to believe they really want to stay, to try to make things work, to meet our every hope that they won't leave.
Sometimes, we're codependent, we think we can rescue them one more time (or they will rescue us) and everything will be just great. Trouble is, we wind up just allowing them to use us one more time and we become enablers of their bad behavior. Your husband will keep raising your hopes and dashing them as long as you allow him to think you'll take him back. It's tough to say no, but it's what you have to do.
I strongly encourage you to find a counselor who can help you deal with your personal issues related to codependence and a support group with others who suffer from the same problem. It will help you see that you're not alone and that there are ways to cope. Most of all, you'll find support when you find yourself caving in if there's a "next time."
Take care and keep us posted.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
K;
I just read your post, and does my heart go out to you!!
I'm Laurene, relatively new to the board, and newly divorced, just one week ago.
Age doesn't keep you from being hurt!! Try not to beat yourself up.
You're at the point where you can make some positive choices and changes in your life. Yes, these decisions will hurt. Accepting that it took 2 people to get to the point that you are at in your relationship, and not taking all of the blame onto yourself will help.
Divorce is not an easy decision, nor is it easy to go through. You've got a lot on your mind right now, and it I know it seems as though you are overwhelmed. Try to take it one day at a time. Give yourself the time that you need to deal with your emotions, to get yourself in the frame of mind that you need to be, to move on, will help.
Do you have a support system? This really, really helps!!
I hope that your day is better!!
Take care, remember we're here!!
Laurene