I was gung ho on D, until H begs not to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
I was gung ho on D, until H begs not to
1
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:40am
I am new here and I really need help. I have been married 14 yrs, we have 3 children under 11 yrs old. For the past 4 yrs, our marriage has been terrible. We have slept in seperate rooms, no intimacy, no affection or decent conversation and companionship. About 4 yrs ago, I think he had an emotional affair. There was plenty of evidence. He denys everything. I shut down after this. I have been telling him we need help, he wont go to counselling. Suddenly I have snapped out of it and yesterday I made an appt with a div attny/mediator. Last night I told him about it and begged him not to make a scene and storm out of the house telling the kids I asked him to leave (this would be typical because he's moody and can get very heated in arguments). He had the opposite reaction. He was visibly shrinking and started to cry and begged me not to leave him. He was actually shocked at my announcement. My eyes bulged out of my head, I couldnt believe he would be surprised. Hello, the marriage has been crappy for years and up until last week I've suggested therapy. Anyway, I went from being ADAMANT on finishing this marriage to now feeling guilty and bad and partly convinced with should suck it up for our kids. I believe in my heart that I cannot get it back for him. I dont want a kiss, hug, nevermind sex. YUK. But I feel badly for him. He's never around, doesnt attend any BBQ or social events with us. It has been me and the kids for years now. He comes home an hour before bedtime and thats it - 7 days a week. Does everyone have 2nd thoughts, even after they were full steam ahead on ending it? I feel like Im losing my mind and wonder if Im just being selfish. He says he always thought it would get better when the kids get older...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 2:50pm

Why would "he always thought it would get better when the kids get older... "?????


Ya know, I think that if you've got this many years (and children) invested... take the opportunity to lay down the law.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~