Good question! Hmmmm... I think I'd say (and I have said, (LOL!) to another woman going through a divorce) to expect feelings that you never thought you'd experience while going through this process. To embrace those feelings, explore them, listen to them, don't be afraid of them, and see where they lead you.
Oh, how I wish to finally be in that place to give advice. As of now, I'm still searching for it. But, after reading this board for the past few weeks the one thing that has stayed with me is this...Time is a magical thing. You just have to be willing to give it.
I appreciate this thread. I am just starting the process (actually, I can't even get him to move out of the house yet, grrr...he won't go!) and I would love to have all the advice from women that have walked the path that is before me. Thanks!
my best advice: GET HELP. first find a good therapist for yourself (and kids, if you have them), and do the work. this is something that i negelected to do after my first divorce, and i never dealt with those issues which of course came back to haunt me. in addition to getting professional help, i think its important to ask for - and accept - help from the people in your life: friends, relatives. i don't know how i would have gotten thru my divorce without the love and support from my friends. it was hard for me - i always had to do things 'on my own' - but when i was able to ask for help, it really ended up empowering me more than weakening me.
Even those of us who had spouses that were well employed, owned property, "good" fathers/mothers, etc... that are "told" that we are "entitled" to 50% or promised that the "fair way" is this or that... $#** will hit the fan. "FAIR" and "EQUITABLE" are not the norm. You will be screwed, lied to, and it will be OK. The system hates divorce, and looks at anyone "looking for something" as a nuisance. The system wants "agreements", and "agreement" usually means "give up", "sacrifice", "get screwed".
My next advice is...
THAT'S OK. Better to be divorced from a "liar/cheater/thief/abuser/drunk" than married to one. You will survive, and probably be better off. Stay strong!
I'm not a woman, but I'll say it anyway -- do not start a relationship for at least two years after the divorced is finliazed. You will need time to process things, get a handle on your emotions, and not be in a rebound relationship. If you start anything any sooner, you are flirting with disaster!
Never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never assume that your STBX will act in a certain way.
He may seem like a perfectly reasonable human being now, but later will morph into some pod person that you don't know. Don't take anything for granted.... don't take his verbal word for it.... get it in writing!
take one day at a time. You will go very high and very low throughout this whole process but hopefully it doesn't last long and eventually you smooth out to an emotional middle.
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my best advice: GET HELP. first find a good therapist for yourself (and kids, if you have them), and do the work. this is something that i negelected to do after my first divorce, and i never dealt with those issues which of course came back to haunt me. in addition to getting professional help, i think its important to ask for - and accept - help from the people in your life: friends, relatives. i don't know how i would have gotten thru my divorce without the love and support from my friends. it was hard for me - i always had to do things 'on my own' - but when i was able to ask for help, it really ended up empowering me more than weakening me.
great question!
My advice is:
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!!!
Even those of us who had spouses that were well employed, owned property, "good" fathers/mothers, etc... that are "told" that we are "entitled" to 50% or promised that the "fair way" is this or that... $#** will hit the fan. "FAIR" and "EQUITABLE" are not the norm. You will be screwed, lied to, and it will be OK. The system hates divorce, and looks at anyone "looking for something" as a nuisance. The system wants "agreements", and "agreement" usually means "give up", "sacrifice", "get screwed".
My next advice is...
THAT'S OK. Better to be divorced from a "liar/cheater/thief/abuser/drunk" than married to one. You will survive, and probably be better off.
Stay strong!
Never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never assume that your STBX will act in a certain way.
He may seem like a perfectly reasonable human being now, but later will morph into some pod person that you don't know. Don't take anything for granted.... don't take his verbal word for it.... get it in writing!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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