If you could start all over again-Adviee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
If you could start all over again-Adviee
1
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 1:45am

First off, my heart goes out to all of you who are in the process of getting a separation or a divorce. I recently just gotten out of a horrible breakup (the dumpee) and that felt awful so I can't even imagine the pain you are all going through.

In reading through the post on this board I was wondering if you could start all over again...or if you could offer advice to someone who has never been married and have NO IDEA whatsoever what it is like to be in a marriage...what would that crucial piece of advice be? I've only been in long term relationship and gotten to know the person I've dated quite closely and intimately but from everything I hear from this board to the news to my friends, there are just so much more about a person you don't know about and that they themselves might not even be aware of. That and miscommunication and regular day to day conflicts...what would you say is the more important aspect of getting into a marriage besides knowing yourself? What is the focal point of the partnership and in looking for a partner? What are we suppose to pay attention to? They always say that hindsight is 20/20 and for those of us going forward...it's a scary process that no one talks about really because all the movies show all these happy ending but the don't portray what it takes to make a marriage work and when to walk away.

Again, my heart goes out to everyone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 11:19am

I am in the midst of a divorce from my H of 14 years after his 2nd affair.