if you're going through a divorce...
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if you're going through a divorce...
| Wed, 01-31-2007 - 7:31pm |
how did you know? if you're going through a divorce, or about to go through a divorce, i'm just looking for advice, or direction. how did you know it was time to get divorced? i don't know what to do in my current situation. my husband has done some things that are less than perfect but for the most part,he's a wonderful man. a man who all of my friends are jealous of. they think i have the perfect husband and he is great in so many ways, this is true. but there are things that he has done that no one knows about. not awful things, just some things i can't get over, and they happened about a year ago. since then, i haven't looked at him the same and i feel like i've lost my love for him. in addition, i've grown up a little, found myself, found out who i really am and what i really want. i don't think he quite fits the bill anymore. i know if i wanted it to work, it could. the ball is in my court for sure. he's willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together and for us both to be happy. i just don't know if i'm willing to work on it any more. i'm tired. and i've started to cheat on him. at this point, is it over. is that just a sign that its really over? the fact that i've been able to cheat and feel no remorse? i'm just looking for some direction here. i just don't know what to do. thanks

Some people sit in limbo for years trying to make this decision. Not me, I am a quick decision maker. I guess it depends on how much you trust your own judgement and how much time you need to take to figure it. You need support - friends, family, therapy, this board. You seem like you are in a stage that I was in many months ago. I thought to myself "If I am cheating, then that MUST mean that it is over between us". But I went to therapy and really investigated how my R was BEFORE the A and came to the conclusion that we had some major issues. After figuring that out - we went to MC and I very quickly realized that I wanted to separate. I told him and now he is leaving. I don't know how I will feel when he is gone and I also have to deal with balancing my "less free" life because of my responsibility with my DD, and my desire to spend time with the OM and my REAL need to spend time with myself - alone. I want to do things to make me happy and spend time with DD and family. It's tough - I am not 100% sure I am getting a D, just pretty sure. I'll figure it out. Maybe H will make the decision.