I'm 9 mths pregnant & divorce is near.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2005
I'm 9 mths pregnant & divorce is near.
11
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:31pm
My husband and i have only been married for 2 1/2 yrs. We have a one year daughter and any day now will have a second. Last year at this exact same time, i found out that H was talking to this Other Woman on his cell phone. After i confronted him on it, he said that they were talking to each other about the problems in their marriages. Funny,, i didn't know we were having problems! :( I told him that what he was doing was called having an emotional affair. I told him that i would not have this and that he was to either choose to go his own way, or stay here and be a father and a husband. Things got better and from then on, i saw no calls to her.
We used to have sex like 4-5 times a week. But within the last year, it's gone down to 1-2 times a month. He doesn't hold my hand anymore, doesn't call just to say HI, he doesn't hold doors open for me, he doesn't sit next to me at home when we watch tv, he doesn't do anything that he used to do. He used to do all these things before "her". Just last night we had a huge blowout which was bound to come one of these days,, and i asked him when was the last time he talked to her. He said it had been months,, however, what he doesn't know is that i have his password to his cell phone and have been checking his messages and what do ya know,, she's been calling and leaving him messages. (Hey, it's me,, call me back, etc etc etc) He's been receiving calls when he's away from the house that last anywhere from 45 mins to 4 hours long and ironically he just can't seem to remember who he was talking to.. YEAH,, WHATEVER!! (I can't see what numbers are calling him, it only says "incoming call"---stupid sprint!!)
I don't really know what "she" has to do with any of this, other than the fact that i feel he wants his cake and eat it too. I think he wants to have his children and a roof over his head, yet he wants to go out and fool around. Am i right in this assumption or am i just being jealous and paranoid?
I told him last night that i'm desparate for love, affection and attention. He told me that he was basically done with our marriage and there was nothing that i could do to repair it. However, he still wants to live in the house with me and the babies cause he can't afford a place of his own. He asked me, "What's wrong with us just living together for the babies"
I'm sorry but i can't live in a house in a pretend marriage where there is no love, no affection and no attention. I simply can not do it. On the other hand, i don't want my babies to grow up with no dad around. So i'm stuck. He doesn't want to try and make the marriage work, yet he doesn't want to get divorced. He wants things 'as they are' and for us to just do our own thing and not fight.
What the crap?
He's obviously done with the marriage, and i'm over here pulling my hair out trying to figure out a way to save it. We've been to counseling and he's so hard headed that he thinks everyone is wrong but him. So i don't think that's the answer,, we've tried that.
I believe i am at a dead end road,,,
Any advice?
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:25pm
Oh hun I am sorry for what you're going through. I am in a similar situation except that I'm not pregnant and HE makes all the money. We have an April Ducky as well... Poor baby. I don't want my DH to leave me and it's stressful. I know you must feel very upset about the fact that he is talking to this woman. My DH hasn't gotten to that point yet, but I believe that would be the total breaking point. You are worth so much more than that and so are your babies. You would NEVER want this for them.
If he wants to live with you he needs to respect you. Meaning no other women. Period.
I'm one to talk though, I'm a total mess and have no clue what to do. :(

Shaundra

  • Wife to a handsome Combat Medic

Pages