I'm depressed...i want to be with him
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| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:25pm |
Hi... for anyone who read "she's a stripper and she cheated on him", you know my story....
I confronted my husband a few days ago, because he didn't tell me about her night job. He thinks it's just a temporarily job, nothing wrong, so i decided fine, i will drop it, even though it bothers me. He doesn't believe about the cheating, he thinks she's being accused innocently, but to take away any doubts she's getting a liying detector test. So i pleaded my love for him, i asked for forgiveness for leaving, and my regrets, how much i want me, him and kids to be together, and i truly meant every word...I put all my feelings on the line and if feels like the ball is on his court. He has to make a decision, but he thinks that it will depend on the results of the test. I don't think it's fair that my relationship with him will depend on it, it's two different issues, and he's only focusing on that right now. He asked her to leave for awhile, he says he needs to be alone and think...I'm so mentally exausted right now, i don't want to manipulate him in any way, i don't want to push him, but i don't think he's giving our relationship a fair chance if it depends on the results of her test...I'm going insane, and if she's actually telling the truth that she never cheated, he might give her another chance, but i will be crushed, but what about me, don't i deserve a chance too...i admit i made a mistake, but i realized it, and i regret all the pain and sorrow i cause him, and all i want is to be with him in our home with our kids, and make him happy...He says now it's different, he has feelings for her, but he has feelings for me too. His he being unfair if he bases his decision just regarding the test results? I think he is, and i will be devasted. Right now i don't want to argue with him or upset him, because he will be annoyed at me. What shoud i do, should i stay away from him, don't implore or say anything anymore, should i let it be and just wait.. Anyone, give me some thoughts on this...

I don't think you did yourself any favors by confronting him on this. Now you've made his decision to give you another chance dependant on whether he believes she cheated.
I know you feel you deserve another chance, but this isn't about what you deserve or he deserves or she deserves. Nobody is entitled to anything. This is about him and how he feels and what he's willing to go through for you. You have to give him space. Giving him space will let him think and let it sink in and let him figure this out for himself. You will be better off in the long run if you let him be the one to decide to leave her. He won't leave her because you beg or because you pressure him. Your insistance that he give you another chance might just ensure he doesn't. Let him be, give it time, work on yourself and the idea of accepting whatever outcome is meant to be. Let him miss you a little. Let him develop some hope all on his own. Don't let him keep seeing your desperation. Desperation, fear and hopeless are not attractive traits. Focus on being accepting, loving and supportive, he will be much more attracted to you if you show him that side of you.
All i want is that he can consider giving our family one more chance... if he still loves me we will, if he doesn't than he doesn't and it will be very hard to go on and accept the truth, and i truly don't know how to handle it, it will feel like my world is ending, and i can't go on...I saw him today and i know he's hurting...it feels like he's more upset that she's not there, i don't know, but if he is suffering for that, than it's over for me...