I'm just full of questions!

Avatar for josie_glausier
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I'm just full of questions!
5
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 2:45pm

Ok, got a couple more for y'all.

My big fear is that he's going to fight the divorce, contest everything.

I have a pretty good job, right now I'm making close to $30k a year, but I just started a new position where I have the potential to double that within a matter of 3 years. I'm about 4 weeks away from getting my raise, and then I'll be making close to $40k a year. I have a 2 year degree, and am working on my BS in Computer Science through work.

I work normal hours (M-F 8a-5p), a little bit of overtime, and I'm on-call one week out of every 4 (I take handheld computer-related calls 24x7). I have traveled 2 trips since I've started the new position, and have MAYBE 1 more by the end of the year, and traveling is over with for the most part. I may have to go here and there, 2x a year if that, for a couple days, but I have my family to support me.

STBX, on the other hand, barely graduated high school, an works as a forklift operator/picker in a furniture warehouse making less than $20k/year. I pay all of the bills and buy all of the food, and we basically live off of his paycheck (gas, cigarettes - we're both smokers but we go outside to smoke, his beer, dinners out, fun with the kids, etc). He could NOT make the house payment on his own if he wanted to, and knows it.

We bought our home 3 years ago, using money from a joint settlement we received from a car accident. We both received money, not just him or me. We put the money in a joint account, and used that money to put the down payment down on the house. But, since I had a better paying, more stable job, I was listed as the primary borrower, him as the cosigner.

What are the chances of me having to move out of the house? Whether to allow him to take over, or to sell and split the profit? I mean, I could if I had to, but I really don't want to. I love my house, and I worked VERY hard to get it and maintain it. I don't want to have to move the kids around to another place, possibly an apartment (depending on how much cash I had, I could get another house with a mortgage).

My next question is what are my chances of getting sole custody of the kids? I want joint legal custody, sole physical custody, but I worry about my STBX trying to fight for joint physical custody. He said he can move in with his aunt, but she's an alcoholic who's married to a drug addict, and I don't even want my kids over there for the weekend, much less half of their lives! He can move in with his dad, who is never home, and his dad has a spare bedroom for the kids, but STBX doesn't want to live there. Other than that, he's on his own.

And one more question, since I make more than he does (28k vs. 20k), would I still be entitled to child support? I still have to maintain my kids' lives, child care, food, clothing, etc, and that costs money. I've already told him that we can put in the divorce that when I make a certain amount of money, we can stop child support completely, but until then, I'll be struggling to get by and put food on the table. I understand that he will too, but that's his fault for not applying himself and making a better life. Or am I totally off base here?

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 2:51pm
Josie,
Do NOT do anything without an attorney....especially when it comes to child support. You must protect yourself. If you don't have one yet, make sure it is a respected family law attorney in your county of residence. Good luck.
webster
Avatar for josie_glausier
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 3:18pm

Umm, I do have a lawyer, a very good one. I have consulted with him only about the act of filing, and how long it would take. He gave me some papers to fill out regarding our liabilities and assets, it's called a financial affadavit, and told me about the cost of the divorce and the difference between contested and uncontested. I just haven't had a chance to talk to him about custody and the home. He told me not to worry, that he'd take good care of me, which made me feel good. He did my mom's divorce, but she ended up in bankruptcy before the divorce was even finalized due to not being able to make the house payment. I don't want to end up like my mom and sister, being stuck without a home, filing bankruptcy, all while trying to raise my kids.

I was just wondering what the chances of me having to sell my home and give up full physical custody of my kids are.

Thanks.
Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 9:56pm

Hi Josie....


Finances and custody are two different things..... if he can afford the house, he can "keep" it... as long as you both agree.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for josie_glausier
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 8:15am

Karen,

Thank you SO much for all of your information. The lawyer told me that all he'd be entitled to would be half of the equity, which he took out of the bank as soon as I said "lawyer". The lawyer said he's going to push for that in court too, mentioning that he took $9,500 out of our joint savings account as soon as I mentioned a divorce. Of course, I got the remainder, which was $6,600, but I had also just recieved a settlement for me and the kids for $12,000, after I paid his aunt $2,500 for handling the case, I had $9,500 left and he withdrew every bit of it. I've let my lawyer know that, and he asked for the supporting documents (which I will provide when I hand over the financial affadavit next week).

As for the child support, it's 23-28% of his gross income, which comes out to about $100/wk. That won't even cover all of the child care costs, which are $123 a week, but it'll be a big help. And his aunt was on the phone with me telling me it wasn't fair that he had to pay child support when I have such a good job that pays better, and how is he supposed to live. I told her that it wasn't my fault that he chose not to apply himself and he took jobs paying $7-10/hr, and I chose to apply myself and get a good job. I shouldn't have to sacrifice because I worked hard to get where I am. I also told her that just because he doesn't make as much as I do doesn't mean he can just escape his responsibility to provide for his children.

I really hope he doesn't get his aunt to represent him in the divorce, because it'll be really nasty then. She is evil, and I really don't like her. She will do everything she can to make me out to be an unfit mom and try to get the kids taken away from me and get me kicked out of the house. But, I've got a very good lawyer, he's the best in town, and he'll do everything he can to protect me. I've got a great reputation, worked at my job for almost 5 years, and even have HIS friends backing me. I'm not too worried about how she'll make me look, but I'm just worried that I may not be able to hold my tongue in court! UGH, I just pray that when it comes down to it, we can settle things out of court and not have to go that route in having a judge split our stuff up and say what each one of us can and can't take! :o( Hope for the best!

Thanks,

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:09am
Absolutely he should share some of the financial responsiblity for raising his children. It sounds to me like his aunt could end up representing him, so I'd be very careful about what you say to her. I'd mention her phone call next time you talk to your lawyer.