I'm new and need advice quickly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
I'm new and need advice quickly
16
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 10:45pm

Hi, I'm new to this message board and I need advice quick. My husband and I have been married 11 years and haven't been happy for the past year. Last September he bought a new car, a sporty little race car. He is 39 and I am 34. Since he got this car and joined a club with this car, we hardly see him, "we" is myself and my two adorable kids, and when we do see him he doesn't seem bothered to be around us. Never asking us how we are or what we are up to etc. I tried talking to him last Thursday and thought it was a good talk about whether we wanted to save the marriage or not, but soon after he went out and visited a couple of his new friends from the club. He didn't return until 3am. To cut a long story short and to hopefully get some advice, tonight was the last straw when he decided to go and meet one of his buddies for dinner instead of staying in and having the dinner I had prepared, which I had made a real effort of. I have decided that tomorrow I am going to find myself a lawyer and file the papers for separation. I am fed up with him walking all over me and the kids.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I talk to the lawyer about? How long does it take to file the papers? When should I tell him I am filing the papers? Should I tomorrow or wait?

I haven't told you guys even 10% of what has happened, I thought I would make it short so that you don't get bored and leave.

Any help and advice would be really appreciated.

Thanks

Anne

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:12am

Have you considered asking him if he is having an affair?

Do his so called car buddies have wives?

Have you checked into his stories? It sounds to me like he is comfortable knowing he has someone to wash his clothes ,clean his house take care of his kids ,etc. so he can do as he pleases. He is a father and a husband and with that he has responsibilities.

What kind of car club meets every night til all hours of the morning? I'm not sure if you've had these questions yourself ,buit I think you should make sure his story isn't bogus. My ex never had an "A" but others on this board have delt with that. Hopefully they can give some insight. You said he was married before. Do you know why that ended?

Hope all went well with the lawyer.

K:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:26am

I hope I haven't missed you.... most attorney's will be telling YOU a lot of information, and asking you for the information that they need... so take something to write down notes!... or better yet, take along a friend to do that for you.


Let us know how it went!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 12:32pm

Well I went to meet with the lawyer yesterday and it went really well. A very nice man, my age and not too shabby to look at. (As if I'm looking right now). I had my list of questions to ask and and after he had finished talking I realised he had covered everything I had wanted to ask. He looked at the documents I had brought with me and was impressed that I had taken copies of as much as I had. Tax returns, various bank accounts, retirement accounts, etc. I also had my printout of the past 5 weeks of what has been happening in the house and relationship. He said that would be important for custody issues, showing that my husband hasn't been around. I wish I had thought about doing this diary six months ago, but 5 weeks are better than none. He told me to keep up with everything I have been doing. It doesn't look as if I will be able to kick him out of the house and he said if I could stick it out then that would be better for me with the custody issues. He says the attitude I have about just wanting it over for me and kids is a good attitude and I shouldn't change it. He says that if and when I do decide to file for divorce, it will only take 2 days to have my husband served the papers, which I didn't realise it would be so quick.

I've decided that I am going to wait until after the weekend to make my move so that it doesn't spoil Father's day (for the kids) and also the graduation party for my stepson. (He hasn't done anything wrong).

I will keep you guys posted on what happens.

Thanks for all your help and support.

Anne

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 1:46pm

You really sound like you've got your head on straight.... and still have a sense of respect to boot!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 4:22pm

Hey Anne,
I agree with another person on here - are you sure there isn't another woman (OW) involved here? Your husband's hours are just too suspicious. Unless he is hanging out with teenage streetracers... LOL! BTW - Does your husband work? How is he staying out until 3-4-5 am and then going to work... is he sleeping somewhere, then coming home? That's what mine used to do. Go to OW, hang out, go to bed, then get up in the early hours and make his way home. If you do find out that there is an OW it can strengthen your case for custody and the family home.

Kudos to you for being determined not to take it anymore. And kudos as well for realizing you can wait through the weekend and not ruin Father's Day and stepson's Grad. Good luck,
L

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 11:41pm

I'm pretty sure there isn't another women in that sense but there is another women that he hangs out with and spends alot of time talking to, but she is about to get engaged to her boyfriend of 2 months. Don't laugh. After my visit with the lawyer and getting over father's day, things got better and he started being a "proper father and husband". Until 2 days ago when he started thinking about himself again. He went out last night, even though I asked that he at least had dinner with us, he didn't. And he is also out tonight and mentioned that people might be spending the night tonight. The last chance has been and gone. My lawyer doesn't get back into the office until Tuesday, so that is when I'll call and get things going.

I wanted to give our marriage one more try and I did. I have finally stopped crying and am now looking into the future for me and the kids. Roll on Tuesday.

Anne

Pages