I'm New Here too....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
I'm New Here too....
2
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 10:21pm

Hi, I am new here... I have 3 sons ages 2, 4 and 3 months old. My husband left me just after our 3rd baby was born in October. (yes my baby is 3 months old) He too was just tired of being married like so many others stbx's here and wanted to go out and have fun and party. He never calls to see how his sons are or even cares until he hears from someone else saying you should call and see how your boys are doing. Its really quite sad. My sons dont even want to talk to him when he does call. I am really worried about my kids and how they are acting now because of the seperation and anxiety issues they now have because daddy left and doesnt want to be part of our family.

My stbx had an affair with a co-worker the whole time I was pregnant, only to tell me it was over and no sooner would I find something confirming that he was still seeing her. I did have enough of his mind games and asked him to leave us, not that he was really here when I got him to leave physically. WHen he did take our oldest boys for the first and only over night visit... He took them to his new girl friends house for his visitation. But lied about that too, he said he was staying with a guy friends new house... but the kids came home with different stories about what was really happening. My oldest son said he slept in bed with daddy and daddys girl friend (which he told the kids that it was his firends girlfriens) but they never saw the guy that my stbx was living with he was always out of town or visiting someone else, Nice huh? When I confrunted him wbout what the boys said he just said they were lieing and didnt know what they were talking about. He called his own sons liers. He is just dumb becasue 2 and 4 year olds dont know how to lie about stuff like that. Neadless to say I had enough of the lies and the controlling behavior he had towards me and I filed for divorce just before the new year. I am no longer are allowing allowing him to have any over night visitations.

I felt like a faleure for so long... but I realized that I actually tried so hard and have no regrets about my decision right now, I tried so hard to make things work out for us and our kids. I really thought that there was something wrong with me, now finally I am starting to see that he is just an a$$ h*le, and totally not worth having me or my kids. Its sad to say but I am allready starting to see how things are starting to get better allready. And that my boys will be better off with out having a man like that living with them and teaching them how to be controlling and how to use women like that.

I know it will get better it will just take time... I am starting to get so sick of people saying that but it really is the truth... I am verry excited that I found this board and am hoping to feel better about my decisions for my boys and I and getting some support form people that are going through this too.

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 11:13pm

Hey there...

I'm Julie, mom to Joey (4--an October pumpkin himself)... I'm glad that you found us... the ladies on this board have been so supportive and I'm sure you'll find them the same way...

Your comment about being sick of being married and wanting to party rang so true in my ears... my xh was exactly that way and if that's the way he's going to be, good riddence! My son will not grow up having that behavior to model, thank goodness!

I'm glad to hear that you're starting to see that the grass is a little greener on this side of the fence... a lot of my divorced friends feel the same way... that once the divorce was in motion, it got a lot easier... there were more opportunities... I know that in my case, I made more than my xh when we were married, but paid the lion's share of the bills with little help from him... when we separated and my car insurance bill went down $700/6 months, it was like I got a raise... and that's just one example of how not paying his bills was making things better...

Its not an easy road... there are some sharp turns, road blocks and traffic jams along the way, but it sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and you are doing well... Stick around and let us know how you're doing... we're here on good days and bad ones too...

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 1:12am
Hi. I'm Amber. I have 3 girls(Chey 9, Cassidy 5 and Alissa 3) and a son(Dylan 5). I only joined this great group of ladies a week ago and they have already been a big comfort to me. Sounds like all men these days find there happiness in instant gratification rather then their familys. I was told tonight not to worry eventually he would get what was comming to him. One day he'll be old and alone and realize how he messed up and pushed away the best thing he had in his life...his wife and kids. Like you I am glad that my kids will no longer have him as an example of how to be a man or treat a woman on a daily basis. You sound very grounded and clearheaded. Something I have not quite been able to attain yet. You and your boys are going to be wonderful. I can tell just by the things you said.