i'm overwhelmed!!!!!!!!
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| Fri, 05-06-2005 - 1:03pm |
HELP!!!!!
My divorce has been final for what feels like two months, but in checking the calender, it has only been 2 weeks. I am not doing well.
I am completely overwhelmed by everything....
I have two new careers underway. Both have very little work to do to get them started, but I can't find the energy, and time gets away from me every day. Everyday I feel like I am working on what HAS to be done, then before I know it, it is 5pm, and what NEEDED to be done gets pushed off another day. I can't seem to stop this cycle.
The only thing I CAN say, is that my kids are not the ones that are being pushed off. They are first of course, I am not forgetting all their activities and little things they need for school...I have been really good about that type of thing. We still do all the activities we used to do together... they still know that I am here for them 100% and I am their rock. I think you get my point.
But if I can seem to remember all of their things...why can't I seem to remember to make a phone call for my business?? Why can't I seem to be able to get the stamps to get the paperwork in the mail??
I am off today...a free day to catch up before I am headed into a busy weekend...I am trying to accomplish so much....probably too much...while my youngest is so underfoot I am tripping over her. I adore my children, I do a lot with them. But there is a time when I have to say...if I don't get this done (house work, paperwork, etc etc too much etc)I'm going to go crazy knowing I still have too much on my plate. Sometimes she is game to "help mommy", but of course this is not one of those days.
I feel like my ex walked out into a life of "go to work, come home" and no responsibilties outside of throwing a check my way. I was left with the role of mother, father, housekeeper, taxi cab, gardener, organizer, etc etc etc. I resent that he has no responsiblities anymore (he moved in with his parents) and I need help. He can come and go as he pleases, I have to get a babysitter or do it all before the kids bed time. Even when I ask him to watch his own kids, he says no. I feel like everyone is watching me, every one is on my back, and I can't please anyone.
Anyone else this overwhelmed????

First off, Hugs to you.
Of course, we all feel this way, especially when there are children involved. We feel like we are doing everything, while they are going out and having fun, being "single". Heck I still have this problem and it's been almost 2 years.
Being overwhelmed is apart of this. There are good and bad points to this. The bad point is that it gives us temporary stress and we really "freak out" for the moment. THe good news is that it's temporary. It goes away. Once we grasp what we do and we know that we are accomplishing WAY more than we would if we were still involved with our X's, makes it all worth it. We also learn to handle more. We learn to be ok with things.
There is also a point that all the emotional things that go along with divorce, make things 10 times harder. Example, lifting a 10 pound block of cement is easy when we have both arms, but take away one arm, then it's harder......
I think what you have to remember to do is take care of YOU. You HAVE TO take time for you and your child. If you don't do that, it's easy to get lost in things and forget about the good things you have, ie playing with your child. Do things need to be done everyday? yep, but know that they will be there tomorrow. Try making a list and a routine for yourself everyday, leaving time for you and your child. That might work too!
Lastly, FORGET ABOUT HIM AND HIS SINGLE LIFE. Know that you are being the responsible parent and will always be the one your kids look up to. You WILL do this and you WILL do this ALONE. It WILL be ok. Everything happens for a reason, remember that too :)
Hugs,
Angelena
Feeling overwhelmed is soooooo easy to get caught up in.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I'm really new here, but I just had to respond to you...
Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my... Your post could almost have been mine. Yes I feel overwhelmed sometimes. There for a while, it was every minute of every day. You are doing GREAT. Your kids are fed, bathed, clothed, in bed at night, and they have an obviously loving mother there for them. Kudos to you. So what if the dishes are sometimes not done? Who cares? They'll be there for you in the morning, or on the weekend, or whenever. Little things that 10 years from now will not matter should not be what you are focusing on.
You need to focus some on you. I know that when you get caught up in work/kids/laundry/dinner/t-ball/school, it is easy to forget to take a little time for you. You'll be a better Mommy for making yourself a sane person.
Also, I have to agree that maybe you need to talk to you doctor. There are times when for sanity's sake, we all need a little help. Hang in there are hug those kiddos often.
Your right, I don't take time for myself...that is another issue. I feel like ...how can I take time out for myself when all these things need to be done?? I need to earn a break. Yes, I understand, this is another vicious cycle that I am in....
I do take time out for my kids. And as far as journaling goes....I do journal sometimes, and had even thought about writing everyday something good that happened, but couldn't get into the habit. However...we did get into a routine last year that helps me to remember simple things. Every day at dinner, we talk about the best thing that happened that day, and the worst. It started as a way for me to get my daughter(6) to talk about how her day was other than "fine", and we do it everyday no matter where we are. Trust me, sometimes it is hard to think of the "worst thing" when you don't want to tell them what is REALLY going on!! :) But now it has turned into a way for us to remember that even if the best thing that happened to you that day was that it was sunny instead of cloudy, something good DID happen.
My support system is weak. My biggest supporter is 1000 miles away. I have friends, and do child swap on occasion, but I don't want to over use the friend card. Only one of my friends has been thru a divorce, and the rest are not really sure what to say or do. It is the white elephant. I dont really want to talk about the divorce anyway, so that is fine. I have never been one to ask for help, but I feel like I am screaming for help now and nobody hears me. I am stretched to thin, and feel like I can never catch up.
I probably should go see a dr., however, I am temporarily without insurance, and being self employeed, not sure when I will have it again. Money is tighter than ever.
On the upside...as I am having a horrible day(of which i didn't even go into all that went bad)...my gf who is 1000 miles away sent me a charm saying "ya ya sister". It is so nice to know that I AM loved. It couldn't have come at a better time.
Welcome to the board!
Chime in here with us any time.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
you're not just FEELING overwhelmed - you ARE overwhelmed. you have a LOT going on in your life right now. going thru a divorce is hard enuf - but you are also trying to start two new careers AND you have your kids to deal with.
i know that its hard - but you NEED to (really NEED TO) find time for yourself. you know the old saying "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". its fine to put your kids first - but if you don't start giving to YOURSELF you are not going to have anything left to give to them.
can you get a baby sitter? I remember when i got divorced from my first husband, my son was just 3, and i was working full time, and i was really poor. i ended up either at work, or with my son - and i had NO TIME for ME. i had to take him everywhere - shopping, hair cuts, etc. so at some point i decided that it was worht it for my own sanity to hire a babysitter once a week just so i could run some errands, do some shopping -BREATHE - on my own!
Yes, that is me too... they are with me on every errand, every hair appointment, every appointment with clients (therefore I try to do most by phone) But again, the guilt of what needs to be done around here is what stops me. I feel like I could accomplish a lot if they were being babysat by someone...but then I think..geez, if I am going to stay home, I might as well keep them here! I don't even know WHAT I would do if given them time to take care of me.
I know your right about mama being happy. When I am stressed I can't be the best mom to them. I don't get to get out and have fun or relax without them very often. I feel guilty that I need this time, but I'm game to try it since I can't seem to get anything else to work. Now to figure out what to do that won't make me feel guilty.
The next weekend with their dad is a weekend of activities where I will be involved, so I won't be able to get a non-guilt break there, so I'm looking at 3 weeks out before they will be with him again. Will this cycle never end???
Happy Mother's Day everyone!!!
Love, gemini
well i can blame my GENES on feeling guilty all the time (i'm a good jewish momma! lol) ..... but to be honest, i did feel guilty for many many years, even tho i KNEW that i was doing the right things at times. and what helped me to get over the guilt was therapy.