I'M PREGNANT

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
I'M PREGNANT
4
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 10:00am

I dont even know where to start. I had ran into an old friend from college about a year ago. He was in the process of finding an apartment because things werent working out with him and his wife, they have a daughter. So ofcourse I was skeptical, knowing what Ive been through. We were good friends way back when and when I was going through all the stuff with ex he was a godsend. He went to court with me, would come for the picks ups and drop offs when ex was being a real a-hole.

But I was clear with him that until he had his own place things couldnt go anywhere for us. I thought I had it all under control. I was an a$$. It had been like a year and a half since someone had paid so much attention to me, was there for me like he was, told me all these wonderful things, did things just for me and my son, said he loved me and him and wanted us to be a family. Said he prayed for a chance with me and wanted to do right by me. One night ds was sick, he even went with me to the hospital. He was just there for me. He gave me money everything, was almost perfect.

After a while I began to get weak and I let one thing lead to another and did something I had no business doing. It happened a couple of times and I felt sick to my stomach. I told him it had to stop, not to call me until he moved out! That lasted about a week. He called and called, I missed the attention, I was still trying to get totally over ex and seeing ex with his gf didnt help much. After it happened a few times when I vowed the last time would be the last time, I had said that as long as I didn't end up pregnant I would end for sure. I felt so bad for what I was doing. Then things werent happening like he said, he hadnt found a place yet and had missed his deadline of when he'd be gone. I began to feel like a big A$$ now. I confronted him and it just started to sound like excuses, we began arguing b/c to me was wasnt keeping his word and it just looked like an all to similar situation only this time I was on the reverse end of it and was pissed at myself mainly. So again I said it's over until your in your own place. He came by one night to give me some money he had promised and it was like out of a movie, he grabbed me and kissed me, it was very passionate, something that I had never experienced before. I didnt keep my word and did it again. Right after I knew God was going to teach me a lesson. Im pregnant!

"Surprisingly" he now feels we argued too much and a relationship just seems like it wouldnt work because "I" always argue. But he'll be there for me and the baby. I should believe that right, sure. I want this baby, have always wanted another baby but just dont want anything to do with him at all b/c I obviously cant believe what he says. Im sure you all will say I deserved this and maybe I do but....

Well, he swears he could never walk out on me like ex did. I find that funny that he said that. He says that he will be there for me and the baby anything we need. Financially he will begin giving me $200 a week starting today. I told him I dont believe him and I cant do this by myself if he wants nothing to do with this tell me now. He wants this baby, so he says. None of it makes sense. I told him I dont believe he will be there financially and he asked for my account # and routing number so the money can be automatically deducted from him account that way I know he's for real. Today is to be the first "payment" if you will. We'll see. You guys are the first one's Ive told. Im so ashamed of myself. Im 30 years old and actually scared to tell my mom. I was even ashamed to tell you guys knowing what we've all been through and then I go and do something like this.

All Im concerned with is that keeps his word financially I really could care less about not being in a "relationship" with him since he obviously isnt who I thought he was. Im kinda still contemplating not going through with this pregnancy only because there is a chance he will walk away from this baby as well. His word has been..... but then I think why should this innocent baby suffer. I knew that getting pregnant was possibility and that's not fair to the baby. I have a million and one things going through my mind right now I can hardly catch my breath.

My God, what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 12:58pm
Regardless of the circumstances I just have one question: do you WANT a baby? We are here for you... love Fzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 1:03pm

please calm down. you are not being punished by God, and you do not deserve to suffer. so please chnge your thought process... we are all here for you - you know that. no matter what happens, no matter what you decide to do- this is the one place that will support you.

I don't want to upset you or insult you - but i wanted to ask you this - why go thru with this pregnancy? you say that you don't want your baby to suffer - but even before its born, there are so many problems. I mean - you are bringing a baby into a single parent life, without even the assurance of money. you have to be able to support this baby, give him or her at least the bare minimums, and you are going ot be on your own. I wonder if you might benefit from talking to a planned parenthood (does that still exist) counselor, so that you have all the options.

hugs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 2:54pm

I have known him for years, I dont like the way things came about between him and myself and the promise of a relationship between us however, Iam pregnant and knew that was a possibility. One thing is he has always taken of his child, has even been there for mine when his own father hasnt been paying a dime in child support for months, this guy has been there for me financially when he really didnt have to be.

Ive always wanted another baby and just thought the next time around would be the "real thing", the whole happily ever after. I was foolish for thinking "this one" might be the one. I should have known better walking into the situation. Im scared to death because I did to someone what my ex and another woman did to me. I cant stand myself for that.

But I already love this baby, have thought about names, etc. He did keep his word about the money beginning today, he swears that wont change. But this is just the beginning. The bare things I can give to this child, it would be a bit more difficult but the baby wouldnt starve or anything like that ya know.

When I said I didnt want the baby to suffer I meant by me not having it, taking the easy way out because things arent the way I wanted them to be. This baby didnt ask to be born. I already consider myself to be a single parent, although my son's father gets visitation, he's not emotionally supportive, still very immature. But one thing I can say is he loves our son. The thing is this guy now says he wants us to be a family, but me and him and a relationship now just isnt working and he's "talking" to someone. EXCUSE ME. He seems a bit delusional. How can we still be a family. Unless he thinks we're in Africa or something where the men can have many wives or something. I've got a big decision to make.

Thanks for listening and not chewing my head off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 10:37am

HUGS...HUGS...HUGS!!! How are you holding up? I'm really glad no one took the opportunity to bite your head off. Let me tell you, I am in NO position to pass judgement on anyone. If it'll make you feel better, I'd be happy to make a list of the HUGE mistakes I've made. Seriously, you're human, and things happen. When someone's there for us when we feel low, it is SO hard not to take advantage of that perceived kindness.


Now...what to do? I know this may anger some, but fortunately, we're in a day and age where you have options available to you. You do sound like you'd feel very guilty about not going through with the pregnancy. But remember, if you choose not to have this baby, that certainly doesn't mean that you won't have the option again down the road.


I think most of the time, we already have the answer inside us....we just have to listen to our instinct. PLEASE know that we are here for you, regardless of what you decide.