I'm Pregnant Too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
I'm Pregnant Too!
5
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 2:40am

So, my quick version... My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 5. We have a GREAT 2-year old daughter, and I'm now 3 months pregnant. I just need someone to talk to (not family yet). My husband has been having an "emotional" affair with a girl at work. I really do believe that nothing physical has happened. But, through all of this, and me finding out about her and him lying to me about her, the whole "divorce" thing has started to creep in. I don't know what to do. I never pictured myself here. He all of a sudden thinks that we "have nothing in common."

Please help or write back if anyone is out there. *sitting on the floor of a hotel bathroom (we are "supposedly" on vacation in Florida) crying and looking for support*

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 2:58am
Hey I am online. shoot that must be hard to deal with. You will be ok! You really will!
that is an old line I think. I was married 28 years and my STBX said we had nothing in common. I guess he stayed for the kids and I suffered emotional and verbal abuse for 28 yrs. that can happen. you know. you can raise your kids alone if you have to so hang on.
My H worked construction and we were divorced two other time and I raised my little ones alone at that time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 3:06am

to ssk2007 .........I was also 8 months pregnant when he finally agreed to marry me. I wanted him to move out if he wouldnt marry me and give the baby a name. what a big mistake
that was back in the late 70's and things were different then.
We had been living together......when I got pregnant. he wanted me to have an abortion
I said no and moved out and he helped me rent a small place and I made it on my own. I remember my first night there. The baby inside of me filled me with joy.

later he did come back and move back in .....but I know that feeling to be pregnant and feel so alone. but you will be ok. Many women are living decent lives and raising their kids either with a new H or alone. He will have to pay child support. You may also be able to get spousal support.
if you decide to stay .....then just do anything you can to put aside some cash and if this happens again then you will have something to fall back on. plus you have children together. you may even be able to get spousal support until you can get more training or whatever you need to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 3:53am
I'm sending you lots of cyber ((((((((hugs))))))))) I'm so sorry that you are going through this! Is he unwilling to end his EA? Is he the one talking about divorce, are you, or are both of you? Please, take care of you while you are going through this!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:27am

Well, when I found out about the EA, his first response was to be mad at ME for snooping around. Then, when he finally realized that I was hurt, we were able to talk. He now agrees that it was an EA (he doesn't like that term, and didn't know that it was at the time). But, when/if he has to choose between a "friendship" with this girl or our marriage, he has made it clear that I will be on the losing end of that battle!

Now, he just brings up things, like the we have nothing in common. Hinting around. Almost like he wants ME to be the one to take action. He wants an easy way out. The thing is that I don't want a divorce. I think that this could be worked out, but I don't think that he could/should be friends with the girl!!

I'm not *really* worried about the $$ issue of the divorce. I have a pretty decent education and a small business from home that I could possibly expand (plus all of the legal stuff). I am just torn and hurt over this b/c I always thought that we were so close. I never pictured us as the couple that would divorce. I thought that we could weather anything. Just not sure how to handle this. I really want him to see how he has hurt me, and forget about being friends with the other girl. I just don't get why that's so hard. He says that he loves me, but then doesn't "act" like it.

Well, that's all for now. I've got to go get dressed to go to Disney World. Try to be the "happy" family today, while I'm really screaming inside wanting security and out of this pain. Thanks for listening...

Shanee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:47pm
I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd child when I told him to leave. I hated the fact of always wondering what he was doing. It was hard as hell but you will be amazed at how strong you can be when thrown into circumstances. There will be a lot of tears and feelings of worthlessness but here I am...5 years later and not regretting a moment. My ex on the other hand can not hold down a relationship due to his cheating. He never changed.