Ouch!!!! Little girls are famous for their "secrets". My 8-year-old likes to do that too when she's having conversations with different people. They learn pretty quickly how to manipulate the parents. Both of my daughter's have gotten VERY good at that in order to try to get what they want. Plus they feel kind of caught in the middle and don't want to hurt each parent.
I really don't have much advice for you because I'm still navigating this "co-parenting" thing myself. Believe me (and I hate to say this) it does not get any easier after the divorce is final. It takes a lot of adjustment and you've got an dysfunctional ex working against you.
I have to wonder if the lawyer and counselor's advice about not allowing her to call him is wise. It sounds like it's confusing her even more and making you out to be the villian. It's really sad though that he's lying to his own daughter. I really don't envy you this situation at all. Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place.
Have you talked to the counselor about what's going on now??
I'm sure it's natural to get angry about it but like you said she is 5 yrs old.. I don't think you need to worry about your anger it is aimed at the situation not your daughter..
Secrets...mmmmm....in our household it has always been bad to keep secrets..since my ex left my 6 yr old comes to me occasionally saying "mom I know we're not supposed to keep secrets but I don't want to upset you"..maybe that what this is..she is just trying to 'please' everyone...what a jerk he is for putting her in that position!!!
what about talking to her & explaining that secrets are not good for anyone?..you say she knows why she is not talking to dad..maybe just explain again in terms she can understand for her age. -- what that means I'm not really sure!!
I do know from experience over the last year...he ain't gonna change..you are doing the right thing ..and are on the right track...we just need to remember that sometimes we have to do things that kids don't like but will work out in the long run...just try to explain the best you can..as everyone keeps telling me...she will figure him out on her own...you just need to protect her wellbeing in the meantime
I'm so sorry Rebecca! This is an awful situation, but I do agree that Avery isn't saying that to hurt you, but to comfort her dad. Of course he doesn't see it that way and that is truly unfortunate. Hang in there, all you can do is what you know is the right thing to do. We all know you always take Avery's best interest at heart.
I know that we all have trouble thinking that we are doing the "right" thing with our kids..but you have to trust yourself that it is coming from the right place.
Well, I'd say that by forwarding the message to him.... hopefully he'll see that as a good measure on YOUR part that you ARE thinking of his best interest, too.
I really do hope that he gets on the right track....... and I'm so glad that you and Averey had a chance to talk and that things went so well.... but, of course, they would.... because that's just a testament to the great mom that you are!
Ouch!!!! Little girls are famous for their "secrets". My 8-year-old likes to do that too when she's having conversations with different people. They learn pretty quickly how to manipulate the parents. Both of my daughter's have gotten VERY good at that in order to try to get what they want. Plus they feel kind of caught in the middle and don't want to hurt each parent.
I really don't have much advice for you because I'm still navigating this "co-parenting" thing myself. Believe me (and I hate to say this) it does not get any easier after the divorce is final. It takes a lot of adjustment and you've got an dysfunctional ex working against you.
I have to wonder if the lawyer and counselor's advice about not allowing her to call him is wise. It sounds like it's confusing her even more and making you out to be the villian. It's really sad though that he's lying to his own daughter. I really don't envy you this situation at all. Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place.
Have you talked to the counselor about what's going on now??
Hummm.... that was Averey trying to make daddy feel better because he's so sad that she hasn't called him.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I'm sure it's natural to get angry about it but like you said she is 5 yrs old..
I don't think you need to worry about your anger it is aimed at the situation not your daughter..
Secrets...mmmmm....in our household it has always been bad to keep secrets..since my ex left my 6 yr old comes to me occasionally saying "mom I know we're not supposed to keep secrets but I don't want to upset you"..maybe that what this is..she is just trying to 'please' everyone...what a jerk he is for putting her in that position!!!
what about talking to her & explaining that secrets are not good for anyone?..you say she knows why she is not talking to dad..maybe just explain again in terms she can understand for her age. -- what that means I'm not really sure!!
I do know from experience over the last year...he ain't gonna change..you are doing the right thing ..and are on the right track...we just need to remember that sometimes we have to do things that kids don't like but will work out in the long run...just try to explain the best you can..as everyone keeps telling me...she will figure him out on her own...you just need to protect her wellbeing in the meantime
hang in there!
Annette
I'm so sorry Rebecca! This is an awful situation, but I do agree that Avery isn't saying that to hurt you, but to comfort her dad. Of course he doesn't see it that way and that is truly unfortunate. Hang in there, all you can do is what you know is the right thing to do. We all know you always take Avery's best interest at heart.
(((((Rebecca))))
Melanie
Thanks SO much everyone. I
you handled that sooo well.
I know that we all have trouble thinking that we are doing the "right" thing with our kids..but you have to trust yourself that it is coming from the right place.
good for you!
Well, I'd say that by forwarding the message to him.... hopefully he'll see that as a good measure on YOUR part that you ARE thinking of his best interest, too.
I really do hope that he gets on the right track....... and I'm so glad that you and Averey had a chance to talk and that things went so well.... but, of course, they would.... because that's just a testament to the great mom that you are!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~