I'm in therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
I'm in therapy
4
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 6:15pm

I've decided to seek counseling for my "issues" regarding how my life is going. I think it's going to be a good thing to talk to someone and get a handle on things and where to go from here. I'm letting the ex control my feelings regarding my life and I feel kind of jealous that he has all this freedom to move on with his life while I'm taking on more and more responsibility for the kids. I feel guilty for even asking him to take them so I can work!!

I went to the doctor and got a prescription for an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety med. It feels good to be putting a plan into action!!

The ex is taking the kids tomorrow so I'm looking foward to having some time to myself!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 6:24pm

>>>I feel guilty for even asking him to take them so I can work!!<<<

Make it about the kids and not you, they need both parents to take an active role in their lives. That might not resolve all your feelings about it, but it's a start.

I think it's great you are going to therapy. I've been going since shortly after I separated from my ex-h and it's been of immeasurable help in all aspects of my life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 6:34pm

Yes I have made it about the kids. Over the summer I've offered to pick them up from him if I'm off the next day. Of course he accuses me of only doing it because I am lazy and want to sleep in the next day!! I do it so that he doesn't have to wake them up early in the morning to drop them off here. It is afterall summer vacation.

Just those little things that I can't deal with. No matter what I do it's wrong. I just need to see a professional who can help me just let it roll off my back and give me the strength to say to him FU this is how it's going to be. Either take a role in helping me raise these kids or give me full custody.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 6:48pm

Even after I separated from my ex-h he could still push my buttons, and therapy defintely with that. It's like it rolls of my back now, but a better way to describe it is that I now have a more intentional response to my ex-h that is also more effective at getting the result I want.

I am sure therapy can help you with this. Have you met with the therapist yet? Sometimes you have to meet a couple before you find one that is a good fit. I saw one when I was younger that was never a good fit but I didn't realize that. I went to two different one's after I separated from my ex-h that I didn't click with and then I met my current therapist. He's like a trusted old friend that I always know I can count on and I don't want to know where I'd be without him. Probably frustrated with my ex-h and in a bad new relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 10:52pm

I think that it is wonderful that you are taking the necessary steps to make things better for you....I look at it as Happy mom, Happier kids....I have always tried to hide the stress and anxiety from mine, but they can just feel it.....They know when something is wrong with me....I went to the Dr and requested anti anxiety medication and it has made a big difference in handling this trying time....I have also started my own journal that I write in when I am feeling very angry and frustrated with my H...It has really helped me deal with a lot of my anger....I would like to go to counseling but Hs insurance would not cover at all....Go figure....

I feel like right now, I am working on getting over this and getting on with my life the best that I can. I wish that I could say the same for my H. He also tries to spin everything I do and say as negative.... The norm is for him to flip out on me, curse me on the phone and he usually calls me stupid about twice a week...and I never say or do anything bad to him.....I realized last week when he cursed me for no reason that his negaativity towards me is just his way of trying to convince himself that what he is doing is right...As long as he stays good and ticked off,even if it is for no reason, he feels justified in leaving.....Now that I have stopped believing his lies, I guess he is trying it with himself...

Some of his irrational behavior is really starting to give me the giggles on a good day....Like today, he came over b/c he had to pick up an old crib that I had promised his friend....He had trouble getting the crib pieces in his truck and was outside in my front yard throwing the pieces to the ground like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum...I stood at the front door and watched...it was pretty funny....He is just so angry right now that anything just spazzes him out........I just had to share that......LOL