By the time you read this, your meeting will be over, so I hope it went well! Let us know what happened. Days in court vary so much, depending on your state, what you're meeting about, if you have an attorney, etc.
Hi.. I just wanted to lend my support and wish you congrats on your first win! I do not know your story or how long you have been married, but am curious, did he receive notice of the hearing?
You're lucky at this point. I HAVE an attorney, 16 year marriage, no children..just a house, cars and tons of debt. He showed up at the temporary hearing last November with a killer lawyer and I got trashed. I was letting him have the house, 1 car, most of the household furnishings and all of the yard/tools and 401k accounts. I had moved out already. He decided to complicate things and fight me. I wanted my car and agreed to take all debt in my name (which is the majority as I had better credit back then, 40k in cc)
All I asked for was $800 a month in spousal support to help me finish school as I havent worked in 7 years! AND I'm raising a granddaughter, not of the stbx's blood.
NOPE.
He makes $80k, I make nothing....so count your blessings while you can.
"so i can't wait to go to court and battle it out!"
I appreciate your frustration. I'm going through a divorce now and one thing that has become obvious to me is that court should only be a very last resort. Nothing destroys wealth more efficiently than divorce. Going to court just gets so expensive. Your lawyer is going to charge you his hourly rate in increments of 10 minutes. If you talk to him on the phone for 20 minutes, he bills you for 1/3 of his hourly rate. He writes a letter to opposing counsel, yet another bill. Every time he files a paper with the court, another bill. If his/her secretary photocopies something, you get a bill for her hourly rate plus a charge per page. Lawyer reads a letter from opposing counsel, $$. It goes on and on and on.......
In NJ there is something called an early settlement panel. Your lawyer and his lawyer submit briefs about your case. The briefs are then examined by a panel of experienced divorce lawyers or retired judges. They then make recommendations based upon their experience with their own cases and what they predict the court will rule if it should go to trial. Before this circus starts, the judge tells you that this is designed to persuade you that it's going to be much less painful (monetary, emotional, kids, etc) if you settle rather than go to court. The early settlement panels tend to be pretty accurate when it comes to predicting the outcomes of a trial. Seriously, you don't want to go to trial if you can avoid it!
"he's done things that have finally brought out the fight in me."
Right now you're letting your emotions determine your actions in this fight. You really need to set reasonable objectives about what you want in terms of settlement and USE YOUR BRAIN to fight this fight. Do you want a fair and equitable distribution of assets, or do you want to hang his balls on your lodge pole. You probably won't get both.
It's really a shame that people have to go through this. I think your lawyer gave you good advice about not battling over little things. Yes you could manipulate your STBX into re-filing to spend his money but don't forget, every time his lawyer makes a motion, your lawyer is going to have to answer it. It's just very hard to win when you're trying to screw someone over. My understanding is that the court looks at this as if this was a business that is being dissolved and therefore just interested in equitable distribution of assets and liabilities.
I agree that you have to defend yourself, but pick your battles wisely. Try to keep emotion out of your decisions as much as possible.
I do not have an attorney and neither does he.
Hi.. I just wanted to lend my support and wish you congrats on your first win! I do not know your story or how long you have been married, but am curious, did he receive notice of the hearing?
You're lucky at this point. I HAVE an attorney, 16 year marriage, no children..just a house, cars and tons of debt. He showed up at the temporary hearing last November with a killer lawyer and I got trashed. I was letting him have the house, 1 car, most of the household furnishings and all of the yard/tools and 401k accounts. I had moved out already. He decided to complicate things and fight me. I wanted my car and agreed to take all debt in my name (which is the majority as I had better credit back then, 40k in cc)
All I asked for was $800 a month in spousal support to help me finish school as I havent worked in 7 years! AND I'm raising a granddaughter, not of the stbx's blood.
NOPE.
He makes $80k, I make nothing....so count your blessings while you can.
~Lisa
~Lisa =))
that's awesome!!
"so i can't wait to go to court and battle it out!"
I appreciate your frustration. I'm going through a divorce now and one thing that has become obvious to me is that court should only be a very last resort. Nothing destroys wealth more efficiently than divorce. Going to court just gets so expensive. Your lawyer is going to charge you his hourly rate in increments of 10 minutes. If you talk to him on the phone for 20 minutes, he bills you for 1/3 of his hourly rate. He writes a letter to opposing counsel, yet another bill. Every time he files a paper with the court, another bill. If his/her secretary photocopies something, you get a bill for her hourly rate plus a charge per page. Lawyer reads a letter from opposing counsel, $$. It goes on and on and on.......
In NJ there is something called an early settlement panel. Your lawyer and his lawyer submit briefs about your case. The briefs are then examined by a panel of experienced divorce lawyers or retired judges. They then make recommendations based upon their experience with their own cases and what they predict the court will rule if it should go to trial. Before this circus starts, the judge tells you that this is designed to persuade you that it's going to be much less painful (monetary, emotional, kids, etc) if you settle rather than go to court. The early settlement panels tend to be pretty accurate when it comes to predicting the outcomes of a trial. Seriously, you don't want to go to trial if you can avoid it!
"he's done things that have finally brought out the fight in me."
Right now you're letting your emotions determine your actions in this fight. You really need to set reasonable objectives about what you want in terms of settlement and USE YOUR BRAIN to fight this fight. Do you want a fair and equitable distribution of assets, or do you want to hang his balls on your lodge pole. You probably won't get both.
i paid my lawyer a retainer fee, which roughly amounts to 10 hours of legal help.
It's really a shame that people have to go through this. I think your lawyer gave you good advice about not battling over little things. Yes you could manipulate your STBX into re-filing to spend his money but don't forget, every time his lawyer makes a motion, your lawyer is going to have to answer it. It's just very hard to win when you're trying to screw someone over. My understanding is that the court looks at this as if this was a business that is being dissolved and therefore just interested in equitable distribution of assets and liabilities.
I agree that you have to defend yourself, but pick your battles wisely. Try to keep emotion out of your decisions as much as possible.
Best wishes