To initiate divorce or not...
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| Sun, 07-01-2007 - 12:51pm |
I've been visiting my sister with our 2 kids for 3 weeks. Having got out of there I see what a disfunctional situation it was. I have no desire to go back to what I left. He cheated on me and then showed no remorse for the 6 months I stayed. So... he has not initiated a divorce, he says he is not thinking divorce yet as has things to work through and needs time to himself (which is why we are visiting my sister). I'm wondering if I should initiate the divorce or leave things as they are?
Pros to initiating doivorce:
I can "move on" emotionally (get this over with)
I can establish residency in this state (so I can eventuallly go back to school)
I can commit to work (I want to be a stay home Mom but do some work from home)
I will get more in child support, I think, than what he's giving me now
I don't know what to tell people in our new place - am I a Single Mom?
I may be eligible for more help (childcare assistance, food, even rent assistance)
Pros to waiting for him to do it:
I have health and dental insurance in the mean time
He's working on paying off our debt
I can continue o be a stay home Mom
Any major expenses that come up - I have help paying
I don't have to be away from the kids (he's made no effort to visit them yet)
I get better car insurance rates
Things I'm not sure are pros or cons:
I don't know how long I can stay with my sister
I don't know if it will complicate things if I stay too long (residency for filing
divorce)
The kids are not seeing him/ I don't know what to tell them
What am I missing?? TIA!

I could have sworn I read a post pretty much like this awhile back???
Anyway, get a lawyer in your *home* state and ask him/her questions about support and residency.
My understanding is you can't up an leave a state just to give another state jurisdiction. Courts are going to direct you to the state you lived in *with* your stbx, so leaving that state probably won't help you and could very well hurt your case, come divorce.
As nice as it is to "visit" your sister, I think you need to take care of business at home before you can "move on."
Sorry to suggest you might need to slow down and even back up a little.
Find a lawyer.
M
Thank you for your help. I forgot to mention that I have a friend who is a lawyer. She agreed months ago to file for us if/when we are ready (we want to come up with an agreement without lawyers on each side and file ourselves to save $$). At that time I decided to stay and try to work it out. She also said a vacation to see my sister does nothing to jurisdiction (I can't spell). My rented home and all I own are still in Texas.
Any other pros or cons?
Right, as long as you are "vacationing" and not going to try to use the new state as the locus of your divorce/custody decree. You can move after all that with your X's and the court's permission.
Alot will depend on your stbx's willingness to cooperate and support your decisions. If he wants 50% custody to reduce his cs for example, then you aren't gonna be able to relocate.
Really, without knowing the details I shouldn't/can't say more. Glad you have a lawyer's advice; presume she is a domestic relations attorney.
M