Input Wanted.... Again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Input Wanted.... Again!
18
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 10:20pm

My friend (yes, really!!!) has two boys, 8 and 7. She's divorced and her XH has been dating a woman for about 6 months now, but they aren't living together. The 7 year old told her that the girlfriend reads him stories in a T-shirt and underwear.

Is this weird to anyone? Or are she and I nuts?

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 11:41pm

That does seem a bit weird.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 6:16am

*sigh of relief* Karen, if you think it's weird, it's gotta be! This is at HIS house (my friend assumes) and no, they aren't living together. I suggested that since OW had been on vacation with them twice this summer, that her son MIGHT be extrapolating a single experience to 'near always' as kids are apt to do.

But she can't talk to her XH about this.... he is right about everything and she's wrong. He thinks that it's perfectly okay to always have OW with them for the entire 3 measly days he has them, even though he's never told the boys that they're dating, just that she's a "special friend" and they're confused. This from a man who wouldn't sleep with my friend before the wedding!!!!!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 8:13am

Is she washing her lone pair of jeans while she's at his house???


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 8:30am

*L* Karen, you crack me up. Not because you're funny, but because this is almost verbatim what I told her! I told her to do subtle interrogation and get more details. In her email to me about it, she wondered if this women was going over there, taking off her pants, putting the boys to bed and then putting her pants back on and leaving! Imagine THAT scenario!!!!

I asked Rosie if she had ever seen her stepmother in her underwear and she said, with a look of horror on her face, "Oh, god, no. That would be W-E-I-R-D, Mom!!!"

I just think the whole thing with him and his girlfriend is bizarre because I know what puritanical values he had before they divorced! Much like my XH, it's all about him and what he wants, and screw everyone else. (He told those boys that he had to divorce their mother because he wanted to "teach them" things...... like manners. Cause you know, you can't teach children manners in a two-parent home.)

Sarcasm. Gotta love it.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 8:44am

Gotta love em!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:47am

Naw, not arrogant at all! Just realistic.

Sometimes I wonder about my XH, too. I'm sure that part of him hates me, but I still wonder, especially when I see NW. Not that average looking people are unlovable, but....

You know, speaking of NW...... XH and NW are still separated. One of their "issues" is that she owns her house and he has no $$ to put into a joint house. When he told me that the other day, I looked at him and said, "What part of MARRIED don't you two understand? To me it's a no-brainer. Find a house, have papers drawn up that when you guys get divorced, she gets X percent because she put more into the house, and you get Y percent. You're MARRIED. And since you didn't think about this before you GOT married, you're stuck, but married is married." He just looked at me. He's willing to waste over $1000 a month on rent because they can't figure out how to combine finances and why can't he just give her that money for "rent"???? My sweetie has alot less money than I do because of debt incurred while he was still married trying to keep the wife happy. I'll probably bring more into a joint house purchase if we ever do that, but who cares? Marriage is about combining lives. I guess I'm an idiot!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:02am

That was one of EX SO's "issues" too... he didn't think he should contribute to my "equity" that he wasn't "entitiled to"... I'm like DUH, what part of interest and utilities don't you GET?


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:18am

What were you thinking? You were blinded by his charms! And of course, they're all charming when they're courting us! That's why I think we need to start with good, solid friends and move into a relationship. With friends, you get to see them, warts and all, before you kiss them to see if there's a prince underneath!

BTW.... I'm past my mourning phase. My sweetie waited patiently by while I lamented the loss of the marriage for about an hour over the phone that night. The next day, I asked him if the lamenting upset him and he said "Naw. I knew that your friend's death really hit you hard and it wasn't XH that you missed, just the intact family." I think that's REALLY what made me feel better!

And Karen, I hope yo ufind another frog prince! You deserve happiness!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:29am

It sounds like you've found a great one!


I *thought* I was making some progress... with the "wildlucky4me" guy that I've known for 13 years... as "friends"... who has definitely been patient and listened to many roller coaster things (good and bad/sad), and I've been there for him, too.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 12:25pm
The same thing happened to my aunt. My skanky uncle left her with 3 small children. Immediately got a stewardess girlfriend 20 years younger than him and then decided that she needed to stay in his condo every time he had the children overnight. She didn't live there. Had her own house a few minutes away but if his 3 children were there then she stayed overnight AND READ THEM BEDTIME STORIES. I'm not sure if she was in her underwear, but she did tell them that if was ok if she slept with their dad because when she went upstairs they read the bible together. WTH??? He, also, was a very conservative Christian during their marriage. The kids were raised in the church and private Christian school etc. Then he leaves the family and immediately has the stewardess sleep over with his kids. It was mind boggling and disgusting. When the 12 year old son left for Christian Church camp she gave him CONDOMS because she wanted him to be "prepared". Why do sane-appearing men leave the families that they created and procede to destroy them with their bad decisions. Are they all idiots?

 

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