Insulting my Intelligence

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Insulting my Intelligence
13
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 5:19pm

I honestly don't understand it!! He must think I am a moron. I get a text message from my ex last night regarding our son. He was bringing him home from football practice and text me to see if it was ok to stop for dinner. I replied OK. Next thing I know I get a text that read "baby, i am taking Chase to dinner". I new very well this was not intended for me so I replied that he should be more careful and I don't appreciate it. He then informed me it was for me and he was just kidding. WHAT?

Nutshell- Married for 9 years, one son, divorce final 02/07. My ex is remarried as of 05/07 and baby due any day. Didn't even find out about everything til 1 week before the wedding. And he had the nerve to ask me, "Are you sure we can't work things out?" I said no way!! and he did what he needed to do. Talk about a hard pill to swallow. The bad thing-he calls all the time, he wants to be in my business. He won't leave me alone. It is almost comical!!! Now---who is the moron???? I am honestly thankful everyday that I am not the one married to him and having his baby!! She is clueless.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 6:48pm
I know what you mean! My soon to be ex will tell me one day that he wants to work things out and the next day he is yelling at me that it is ALL my fault. I should have known that when he said he wanted to marry me (the fourth wife) I should have stood my ground and said no. But I thought that he was 'the one'. Now that we have five children I now know that he was only to give me five GREAT children and nothing more. I know that I'll never remarry nor will I be able to trust another man. I had believed him when he said "I love you!" I just hope our daughters will not have the same fate I have had.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:46am
Today I caught him at her home and saw him walk out of her bedroom. This was at 630am.. He has the gall to say that he slept with his clothes on, they did not kiss, and they did not have sex. He also still tells me that they are just friends. He said that he had spent the night there before, but only slept on the couch. How freaking stupid does he think I am?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:23am

OK-then here is the question......

Do they tell these lies thinking we are going to actually believe them? Or do they think they are sparing our feelings? Or....do they know what they are doing is wrong and not admitting it makes them feel better about it.

It is beyond my comprehension. I am hoping that one day I will wake up and it won't matter or even remotely bother me. I think I am heading in that direction, because at least now I am laughing instead of crying!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:58am
In my case, he just lied because, I think, he just didn't know how to "not lie". I should have seen the writing on the wall when he lied to me about how old he was 10 years ago when we were dating...like it mattered whether you are 28 or 29?
Mine continues to lie to me, about me-to our son and I'm sure to his current soon to be wife. He just doesn't know how to form a truthful statement.
I don't know if all of your guys were the same way, but that is my experience.
The guy that I'm seeing now, he has told me the truth and it was an ugly bunch of truth about his past. I know it to be true because my best friend, who works for the government and has access to run background checks, you know, better than the ones you can pay for, anyway, she looked him up and clarified that he had left nothing out. He didn't have to blurt out his sordid past to me, but I'd rather that, than have somebody lie to me, never again, girls, never again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 11:17am
That "joking" comment was a cover up LIE for his mistake!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:41pm

I had a similar experience. I stopped by my house on: 7-22-07 @ 9:00pm...a Sunday, to pick-up a couple of things....I initially left my sorry husband, but am now back in my house & he's out, & found that another woman had been staying in my house over that entire weekend. I knew someone had been there when I went there on that Saturday morning & found some of her things in "my" house. I was pretty torn-up, but got myself together & took pictures of her items....something was actually laying on "my" bedside table. My mother was with me & saw them too. When I stopped by the house & he would not let me in, he finally admitted that a woman was in there, & that she had stayed the entire weekend.....STUPID HIM !! I never did get in the house that night, but when I called him later, after getting back to my sister's house, he was moving-out that night, & said I could go back whenever I wanted to....he went to his sister's house, not 5 minutes from where I had been staying. He kept telling me that she was "just a friend" who needed a place to stay for a couple of nights. This man has NO female "friends". I have no idea how long this has been going on, but probably a lot longer than I will ever know. I did get an anonymous letter in the mail 2 yrs ago advising me of an affair, that he still denies to this day. Keep in mind, I had only been out of my house for: 11 days when all of this happened. I left him on: 7-8-07. Talk about devastated. I've never been so destroyed in my entire life, but I am getting better. I have a great therapist & am looking into getting an attorney at this time. In my state: NC, we have to be legally seperated for: 1 yr & 1 day in order to get a divorce. I'm just getting started, but everyday does get a little easier. Thank God, I don't have small children....22 yr old son in college.

For those of us going thru this, none of us deserve this..."we" are the victims & "they" need to step-up & take responsibility for what they have done to us, & be made to pay, pay, pay. Hang in there. We will all be better for getting rid of men who mis-treat & disrespect us.

Take Care,
Aleta

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:48pm

Your ex is one screwed up nutjob.

Stay strong, your son needs that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:15pm
Thanks oldnimrod!!! That made me laugh! I totally agree. Can't believe a spent 10+ years with him. Have a great day-
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 7:56pm
My stbx is a master at manipulating the truth to suit his needs. It's way beyond lying. He makes stuff up based on one tiny microcosm of truth, spins a shole story around it, and then makes you deal with it as if it were true. It's really mindboggling. I think he thinks if he says it it's true, because after all he IS the center of the universe. One of my favorite quotes is "When science actually finds the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to find out it's not them." Boy is he gonna be surprised!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 11:01pm
when my former husband was confronted with evidence of his lies which he couldn't refute, he said "I didn't think I WAS lying. I guess I've been lying to myself for so long that I believed my own lies when I told them to you." Oh, poor baby, I feel so badly for you, NOT.

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