intro, newly betrayed
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 01-13-2007 - 2:20pm |
Hi everyone, I'll try to be quick. Been married 9 happy years, am a fit, attractive, stay at home mom with lots of interestes (yoga, hiking,camping, knitting)two young sons. Sold our house because, we were going to homestead. Winter hit so we moved into inlaws basement. All of the sudden hubby loves his job and want to stay. I start looking for houses again. Well, hubby works long hours (shift work). 2 nights ago, he fell asleep at his computer. I went over to tap him and ask if hed prefer to go to bed. Well,I glance at his computer and there is an obvious love note there. I wack him and say, who the hell is Charlotte?!?!? Claims they are good friends and she is going through a hard time. I say ok and wait for him to go to bed. Immediately pull up their messages and get the shock of my life. They have been doing it, they are soulmates, they complete eachother, they want to be together forever...I was gagging on it...so sappy. She is 40 and he (and I) are 30. She works on his shift (they both make VERY good $$) Well, I confronted him the next day and basically got no answers. He tried to lie again and I told him I read everything and to cut the crap. Told him if he made some major changes I could forgive him. He doesn't seem to want that. So...its divorce time. We are going out tongight and I will try to open him up. I really must know if they had unprotected sex.OMG!!!
Here is what I have gotten done:
1.made appt. with lawyer (a good one)
2. photocopied of flat out took (if mine or 2 copies)things like paystubs, titles deed (we own land - would have been a homestead, passports,insurange policies etc.).
3. my parents are going to sell their vacation home and help me to buy a house as soon as I get my hands on my share of assets (1/2 is liquid because, we sold our house, 1/2 is tied up in land).
4. Talked to hubby about having the bank make any deposits from our moneymarket(liquid asset)requiring dual permission.
5. Stepped up from walking to jogging and have been been doing more yoga too.
Here is what is on my immediate horizon:
1.get banking squared away.close cards, protect moneymarket,
2.both cars are in our names, so square that away.
3.my mom says to drag the divorce out for 1 year so, I will get better social security benefits.
2. I can not find our tax records or info on his 401K. I want that stuff. Will have to ferrit it out somehow.
I am so devistated, betrayed and sad. Didn't even have the strength to get mad at first, just went into an instinctive ass covering mode. Now I am pissed and finding it very difficult to keep things cool infront of others. Gotta do it for the kids though. My heart aches for those boys. My older son is 8 and very serious...I don't see him doing well with this at all. Going to speak to dear husband (ha, ha) about family counciling to break this to the kids. Also, I have always had a healthy appetite...its gone. Its kinda a good thing though.
I'd love your thoughts and inspiration during this horrible time. Sorry for typos

Pages
Just wanted you to know I've been thinking about you!
A.
Hello Amy,
it really looks like you are ready to do all the right things - I don't know how your evening out with DH went, but I hope it provided you with some answers.
As everybody's saying, protect yourself - and that is what you did by getting copies of all significant paperwork. About the 401K - why not trying to phone them, and figure it out? Also, the HR office of the company your DH works for should have the information about who to contact for info.
I would like to add a peace word: now that you have protected yourself, be careful not to act in anger. Anger is a normal reaction to betrayal, but is a bad advisor. You sound furious - and very much in a hurry to go on with your life. It is fully understandable (we all have experienced it, and it is VERY hard to let go), and the rest of your life will surely be exciting and interesting - but before getting there you may want to take a time out, and think about what you REALLY want to do. My best advice would be to get the kids with their grand-parents for a few days, and go off on your own - not to party, but to think... you mention your parents have a vacation residence: how about going there for a week, with a few books and perhaps a good friend if one is available? it may do you good to take the time to reconnect...
Pages