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| Sat, 03-31-2007 - 11:54pm |
Well, this is one board I never thought I'd be on.
stbxh announced last Friday he was leaving. We haven't been happy for a long while but I was ok with staying together for the kids. I guess he wasn't. I filed on Tuesday and if all goes well the judge will sign the temporary custody papers on Monday and he'll be served.
Anyway, my name is Cindy and it looks like this will be my new home for a while.
Anyone else here in their late 40's? stbxh might have been lousy company but he was company. The thought of spending the rest of my life alone is daunting. And with joint custody arrangements that are so popular these days, I'll only have my kids half the time. That makes me sad. Dh I can take leaving but losing time with my kids cuts deep.

Hey Cindy...
Welcome to the board--I'm sorry that you find yourself in the position to need to find us, but I'm glad that you did. I think you'll find what I found when I first came here a few years ago now... this board is full of supportive people... some who are going through it now, others who have btdt...
As for me, I'm Julie, mom to Joey (5)... I've been divorced for three years this week... I'm not in my late 40's... but there are people here who are...
Keep us posted!
*hugs*
Julie
Thanks. I could use some supportive people.
This whole custody situation has me on edge. Dh has a history of drinking. He has a cyclic pattern of escallation followed by crisis followed by a period where he sticks to two beers a night and is functional. He claims drinking isn't the problem yet cuts back every time there's a crisis and then, in time, convinces himself that he has it under control and the escallation starts again. So my task is to prove he's an alcoholic during a time when he'll be drinking his least.
I just don't want my kids to have to deal with his drinking without a sober adult in the house. I fear that once the divorce is final, he'll really escallate. There's no one to nag at him for drinking too much now.
I feel liks a schmuck for keeping the kids from him but my lawyer says if I give him the kids, voluntarily, even once, it's proof that I don't think his alcohol abuse is a problem. Don't I get any credit? I KNOW his drinking pattern. I know he's on good behavior right now and I know he does his heaviest drinking at night. There would be no harm in him taking the kids for an afternoon.
Pray the temporary custody papers are signed tomorrow and he's served.
I'll definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers... I can certainly understand your fears and concerns with him and his alcohol problem and how it relates to the children...
Do keep us posted!
*hugs*
Julie
Welcome Cindy,
I just turned 45 and I have two children. My son will be 18 soon and my daughter will be 14. I was married for over 20 years. I have been reading this board for about two years now. Our divorce was filed in July 2005 and is supposed to be finalized this Wednesday in court. It has been a long and ugly battle.
My STBX doesn't have alcohol problems, but he is a real control freak and has really done some divorce poison to the kids which saddens me. I understand your comment about being afraid of being alone the rest of your life. I had the same fears. He even told me no one else would ever want me and my "issues" unless I spread my legs. Well, I didn't have to "spread" my legs and I have had my fair share of dating during my separation. I have met a very kind and wonderful man that I absolutely adore. There IS life after separation and divorce as I am finding out.
There are many times when I feel lonely at night where I wish I had my sweetie to snuggle with. I don't see him all the time because he lives out of state (we were introduced by our best friends and we see each other about once a month). Anyway, I keep myself busy with work and spending time with my girlfriends, as well as my children. My son is getting ready to graduate high school and so I'm busy with that right now.
Hang in there and know you're not alone. This is a great board to visit when you need to realize that there are many others in the same boat.
Belinda
Hi Gr8,
I'm also glad you found us here at Surviving Divorce. It's not a place most of us ever think we'll be, but it's a great place to vent, find support, and share your fears and frustrations. We aren't professionals in any way, but we'll try our best to give you ideas and advice.
I read your posts and the way you describe your husband and his drinking he is what they call a "functional alcoholic." That's a person who is an alcoholic but can still hold down a job, etc. He may drink sporadically or only on weekends or otherwise limit his drinking to maintain his job, etc., but he's still an alcoholic. My first suggestion to you is to find an ALANON chapter( http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html) in your area and go. This group helps family and friends to cope with the effects of alcoholism and gives you tools to stop enabling their behavior and from following a co-dependent type of behavior even after you're no longer living with an alcoholic. It's a sister organization to Alcoholics Anonymous, (http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_find_meeting.cfm).
I'll also admit I'm surprised you filed for divorce so quickly. Have the two of you ever sought counseling? Has your husband ever gone to Alcoholics Anonymous to see if he can get free of his addiction? Just a queston, only you know the answer.
My other suggestion to you at this point is NOT to worry about whether you'll be alone. It's WAY to early to fear being alone at any age and that will be something you deal with after you've done a lot of healing and work on yourself.
Come back as often as you like and keep us posted.
Sincerely,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020