Isn't this silly
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 05-17-2006 - 8:42pm |
Isn't this silly! that as women we wonder what we are doing wrong? We wonder why we don't trust them. We wonder what if they kiss another woman, hold hands, e-mail, write, flirt with, talk to, have dinner with, sex with, eat with and leave us completely alone. We wonder if they are cheating. My answer is YES!!, they are cheating and why do we doubt our senses!
We wonder why they tell us we are stupid, crazy, emotional, that we wrap our lives around them, that we need to get lives, get counseling, make our own friends, go our own ways, leave them alone, don't ask questions, that we are nosy, ugly, fat and unloved. It is so they can go about their business of courting their mistresses while the wives cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, maid work, mop the floors, dust the house, clean the yard, run the errands, help with homework, babysit, raise the children and every other odd job in the house. Plus, we are now expected to work outside the home. Why do we let them treat us this way and why do we believe we deserve this kind of treatment. I am better then this. I am worth it!!
We wonder when it is time to leave, even after they have told us they don't want us around, that they don't want to support us, they don't wear their wedding rings, they don't fill the car with gas, they don't take us to dinner, they leave us at home all the time, they are unkind, cruel, and not even nice to us anymore. How much does kindness cost to someone you married. Why do we as women put up with this and Why do we believe them?
My husband has done all these things, said all these things and here I am still living with my husband. Am I stupid or what? How can anyone doubt the truth? The evidence all under our noses? My husband is cheating, my husband doesn't love me, my husband doesn't care about me, my husband is not nice to me, and I need help.
My husband, because I can't be trusted with money (is what he thinks), took my name off the checking acct.. He is the one that bought the new $8000.00 bike, the parts, the gear and everything else but I am the one who spends all the money. My hobby is going to thrift stores to buy the kids clothes, shoes, toys, and isn't this disguisting. It is my fault this has gone on for so long. I have allowed this to happen and 15 years later here I am. For years I have been broke with no extra money whatsoever. I was wondering about alimony and if it would be better to try and get a job? Any suggestions?
Does anyone know about D in Az.. It is an community property state and my husband owned the house a year before we got married. We will be married for 15 years in Jan.. I could use any advice anyone is willing to offer. Thank you for letting me vent. Sick at Heart

No... it's not silly!... It's very much a sad reality.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
You are not blind, but you have probably been living in denial. You can't fix someone who is broken, and your husband sounds like he is broken. I wouldn't normally come off so judgemental, but your husband sounds a lot like me. I took everything for granted. I treated my wife and kids like s**t. Always angry, things never good enough, never a kind word to say. I was a miserable sob and I took it out on everyone closest to me. I never cheated physically, but I cheated in my heart. And then one day my wife woke up. It's not to say that she was an innocent victim in everything, but I was the one who got us to this point. She tried to keep the family together, hoping that I would become the same guy she married. Finally she realized that she deserved better, and she told me she had little hope for our marraige. That's what finally woke me up, but my ego was way out of control. There was a time when I could have made things better. It wasn't going to happen overnight, but the opportunity was there. Unfortunately I made more bad decisions and pushed her past the brink. Our marriage is over now, even though we haven't officially divorced yet. We're just starting on that road now.
There are two things keeping me from jumping off the proverbial cliff. 1) My kids. They will need the support of both of us to get through such a tramatic life change. 2) The knowledge that we are all exactly where we need to be in order to learn the lessons we need to learn. My wife and I have pushed each other's buttons for years, and we are finally getting it. We need to get past the bullsh**t and heal ourselves or we will just keep carrying the same baggage into the next relationship or into the next life (if you believe in such things :-)
Best wishes to you in your journey and I sincerly hope you know that you are worth it!
Hmmm…15 years must be the point of revelation or the breaking point. I was also married to a cheater (habitual). We separated 3 months before our 15th anniversary.
I was also emotionally abused by my ex. We NEVER went out together-not dinner, not the movies, nothing even remotely resembling fun. WHY??? Because he was ashamed of me. And he told me so. He picked fights over nothing . Then, he made himself believe our marriage was so bad because of the fighting. And, because our marriage was so bad, he had to do something to make himself happy. So, he turned to other women. He took them to dinner, dancing, karaoke, etc. when he traveled for work. Meanwhile I stayed at home, working full time, raising 2 kids, keeping the house up. The he would come home and criticize me. I felt like a HUGE disappointment to him.
For years I knew what was going on. But, I was scared. Scared to be alone. Scared I wouldn’t make it financially. I put up with his behavior, while he continued to cheat. The last year of our marriage he slept on the couch almost every night (when he wasn’t traveling). I begged him to come to bed with me. I would call him on his cell phone from the phone in our bedroom. He would come up after I fell asleep and get up before I woke up in the morning. God forbid you are intimate with your own wife! It was so humiliating.
I finally had enough when I realized how his behavior could impact our kids. Did I want my son to grow up to be a cheater? Did I want my daughter to think it is acceptable to be mistreated? I was the hardest thing I ever did, but now, 3 years later I am so glad I did it.
I am not sure about the laws in your state. Do you have proof of his cheating? Can you file for divorce on grounds of infidelity? I had all the proof I needed, but I didn’t use it because I didn’t want my children to get sucked into a nasty divorce.
Good luck to you. Stay strong!