Is it appropriate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Is it appropriate?
24
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 4:56pm

Hi guys,


Another question............


Recently, I found out that my mother and OW are friends. It seems that all 3 of them have gone to dinner a few times and have regular contact. This was all done behind my back and in HUGE secrecy.


Does anyone find anything wrong with this?


I would love some other opinions on this, I seem to think it is inappropriate, sort of a slap in the face.


Thanks for all your advice in advance :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:15pm

I would have to agree. I know my SO has a problem with this. He was never married to his ex but they were together for 10 yrs. They have 2 kids and his father took the side of his ex. It was an amicable break up and at the time he had a back injury and couldn't even walk. His dad kept asking him if he needed help and when he would say yes no response. His ex takes the kids to his dads all the time. They have a 50/50 custody arrangment. His dad buys his ex stuff, gave her a kitchen table set,bedroom furniture for the kids,gave her a computer. The wonders why his son wants nothing to do with him.

It is a very difficult situation.His dad has pushed almost all of his kids away.Now it seems as though he is adopting SO's ex for the daughter he never had(sort of) He has a duaghter that wants nothing to do with him.

Maybe your mom is doing the same thing. You said you haven't had a good relationship and maybe she is trying to substitute OW for you in a sense. If OW is anything like my SO's ex then she is capable of a good but kissing. You knoe smile give all kinds of attention and just appear absolutely perrfect.I hope this all makes sense.

K:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:32pm

yep it does and that is 100% my thought on the subject.


I do think in a way OW is trying to be me, in that aspect. Maybe not me physically, but otherwise.... does that make sense?


I just think it is inappropriate.... Nothing I can do about it.... but I wanted to get the opinions of you wonderful ladies ( and men ) :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 5:52pm
I think it's just weird!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:11pm
OMG! That just makes me sick to my stomach! That is just so wrong! I could see her hanging ou to see the kids but why with just the 2 of them? That's just messed! Sorry I know she's you mom.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:22pm
What is OW?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:32pm

Other woman :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:35pm

My mother put it to me that she needed people that care in her life.


Ok, I can see that, but does it HAVE to be OW? For the kids sake only do I see her going over my head to see the kids ( she thinks I don't want her in my house which isn't true ) maybe making a call to XH to see the kids... but I found out that they spent mother's day together. ( or atleast a dinner part of it anyway )


That's just plain weird!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:37pm

no no I agree!


Yes she is my mom and she seens NOTHING wrong with it.


She is sick, says she needs people around her who care.... What about HER DAUGHTER? GRANDKIDS? HER INLAWS????? it doesn't HAVE to be OW and XH.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:07pm
It is weird, and I imagine it is highly unusual. Is it a slap in the face? I don't know. I am not sure that is how they mean it. Obviously there are issues between you and OW, and between you and your mom. If they want to get together and all be friends, it may not be about you at all. If it is just because they have some reason they want to all be friendly, then fine, no law says they can't. If they are doing it as a slap in the face, in order to get to you, then it won't last, because it won't be about them wanting to spend time together for their own sakes (unless they somehow find out that it bothers you, then they will keep doing it as long as it might keep bothering you).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:50pm
Ok, I'm probably going to get hit for this one, but I see the other side of this. I'm NOT an ow, I've NEVER cheated on my husband (just wanted to make that clear) and even though I'm not divorced yet, my husband and I have been through this once already (we were a week away from signing the final divorce papers 4 years ago) Anyway, thoughout the whole thing 4 years ago I remained tight with both my in-laws. I don't know if it was because of the grandkids or what, but it was kind of agreed upon that they wouldn't bring up my stbx in front of me and I wouldn't talk about their son to them. Want to know the really weird thing. my husband's father and mother are divorced and my fil is still tight with his in-laws. Now this really ticks off my mil (the daughter) so I totally see where you'd be upset also - please don't get me wrong. But maybe she's doing it because there are grandkids involved? I just know that's how it was with me too. And maybe my situation had to do with the fact that neither of my in-laws liked how I was being neglected (for lack of a better term) or treated, or however you want to put it - by their son. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I've got the only Grandkids they have and since their son never has the kids they wanted to maintain a relationship with me......there are differences in our situations. I don't know but for whatever reason they continued to be nice to me and I with them. I just wanted you to know it does happen.

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