Is it appropriate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Is it appropriate?
24
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 4:56pm

Hi guys,


Another question............


Recently, I found out that my mother and OW are friends. It seems that all 3 of them have gone to dinner a few times and have regular contact. This was all done behind my back and in HUGE secrecy.


Does anyone find anything wrong with this?


I would love some other opinions on this, I seem to think it is inappropriate, sort of a slap in the face.


Thanks for all your advice in advance :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 8:05am

No no, no one is going to hit you ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 8:20am
You would think wouldn't you? But parents continue to surprise me as much as the stbx.(and I'm just going to start calling the husband the stbx even though he hasn't officially asked for the divorce, but it's more and more obvious to me that's where we're going) ANYWAY, (sorry, I'm notorious for tangents) you have at least joint custody don't you? You're mom would be able to see the kids through you wouldn't she? If that's the case, than I have to agree that it's weird and I wouldn't like it one bit either!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 8:41am

I have sole custody actually.....


That's the part that makes me angry, at first I heard that they went out to dinner this past weekend with my mom and my aunt so they could see the kids ( it was XH's weekend with the kids, he gets every other weekend ) . Ok, I can accept that, but the more I thought about it the more it bothered me. There was no reason that mom should not have called me first PLUS I have one son with my current SO of whom my aunt has never met and my mother has seen a handfull of times. So I was mad because they didn't bother to want to see my youngest or myself. Although mom and I have our days, I still invited her over to see the kids, she always said she wasn't feeling well. Then I heard about the dinner meeting with XH and OW and I felt like total "nothing". So a few days later, I found out that there has been more than one dinner, without the children. They hang out quite a bit! I also hear that Mother's day was spent with Mom, XMIL, XH and OW. Makes no sense to me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 8:48am
After getting more of the history and story here, I have to agree with you. I would probably be pretty irritated too (more like downright P!$$@) Like I said, parents continue to surprise me. My own father has brought me to such anger and dissapointment more than once. I'm sorry your mom is acting like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 11:17am
OH MY GOD. I think I would want to banish my mother from ever talking to me again. Oh my God. Girl how are you handling this. I dont think I could. I feel it is 110% inappropiate. Have you talked to your mom about this
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 11:43am
hey what is stbx?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 11:46am
Soon To Be Ex....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:23pm

Im basically at the point of banishment. Thing is, she is sick. Cancer. Doesn't have much time ( of course I dont know the truth on that one ) So I am not sure how to handle it. I dont want to do anything that I will regret later.


I am having a hard time with this. I think I feel "picked over" by my mom. Like OW is better than me. Mom and I didn't start having differences until January. So we haven't always had a bad relationship. We used to be VERY close. So I guess I just don't see the logic. I am pretty hurt by it.


I can't say who she can and cant see.... but I can voice my opinions to her, which I did, she said she needed people in her life that care about her, and she said she won't stop seeing her. "Hope that's ok".....


idk what to do about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:46pm

Oh, Angelena,
I wish I could tell you some words of wisdom. I've never had to face something like this before. All I can say is keep your head up. Dont think for one second that this ow is better than you. Remember that she is the one who is trying to "replace" you. With your ex, your kids and now even your mom. So actually if you think about that says a whole lot about YOU. Sometimes people do things in our lives to hurt us and im now slowly starting to realize that it's because they are not happy with themselves, they are lacking something and see that we have it. Be it strenght, courage, or whatever. So they try to bring us down. "Misery loves company" remember.

You stay strong. You are a wonderful person. Remember you have made it this far and will continue to strive. God puts obstacles in our lives to help us grow. "That which doesnt kill us, makes us stronger". This is just a little storm you are going through now, it wont last very long.

Firstamendment said something in one of her posts that opened my eyes. It they are doing it b/c they know it hurts you and gets under your skin they will continue. So honey, put your Game Face on. Dont let them know it hurts and it will stop or soon enough you will have that thick skin not to let it bother you.

Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:50pm
Amen to luvred2004!! She got it right on !!!
L


Edited 5/27/2005 12:53 pm ET ET by lisney1
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