Is it illegal to just leave with kids???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Is it illegal to just leave with kids???
3
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:29pm

It may sound like a stupid question... Well, my husband threatened that he will quit his job and come home, but he didn't. Thank God!!! (What kind of threat is that!!!)

Anyway, I am renting 3-bedroom condo, and the lease will be over this summer. Is it illegal for me to just leave here and move into some small apartment so I can have some privacy and actually can afford it without depending on his income?

He is good with kids. He tries to threat, but it's pathetic as I am going to quit my job... He thinks I am interested in someone because I am not interested in him. Well, after so many harsh words and name callings and making fun of me, how in the world am I suppose to love him? Yes, I am interested in something, which is establishing my own company.

He thinks or wants to believe that woman cannot live without a man. My goodness look at me. I am married and you might as well call me "a wife without a man," because I literally live without him. He is like a visitor. I have been living without him. I have a full-time job, full-time school, and take care of 3 kids and the house ALL by myself. I don't know a single soul here. I literally do everything on my own and I am so accustomed to living life that way.

Maybe he hates my guts as I just won't cry for nobody's help or completely go down. I don't even complain. I just do it. He even made a comment that he is not going to send me any money. Guess what, idiot husband, I am financially capable of taking care of all of my bills. I may be broke living from paycheck to paycheck, but still manageable.

Anyways, if any of you could tell me about me moving to another place with kids, please let me know. I am thinking since I have several e-mails from him which clearly states he is not going to send me any money, I am allowed to look for my own place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:39pm
I don't think it's illegal to move out and get your own place and move the children with you. If you leave and don't let him see the children (and even if you do let him see them) he can go into court and file for custody. You should probably talk to an attorney before you do this because I believe it is better if you file for custody first (an attorney could also tell you if you can file for temporary custody and separation, or if you need to file for divorce at the same time, every state has different laws). If you don't and he takes the children for a weekend he won't have to bring them back since there is no custody order in place. You'd be forced to go to court and file for custody to get them back, and you might not get a court date right away. I know it sounds nuts, but I have seen posts on other boards from women that this happened to, and in some cases they never got custody back (they ended up with weekend visitation and paying child support) and in other cases it took weeks or months to get them back. To make sure you have your ducks in a row legally, it's a good idea to see an attorney.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 12:16am
Sorry I have no advice on your question but I wanted to comment.
you worte" I am married and you might as well call me "a wife without a man," because I literally live without him. He is like a visitor. I have been living without him."
I always say I am a single mother of 5, the oldest kid being my husband!" I know how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:31am
There's no reason you can't move. And don't tell him you're going to unless he asks you to renew the lease. He can do that in his own name. Have you filed anything yet? If the kids are with you almost all the time, which it sounds like, you should have no problem moving for sole custody. No, as long as you don't bolt with the kids to another state and keep him from seeing them, it's a routine separation to the court. Take care.