Is it just me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Is it just me.....
3
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:27pm

Hey ladies,
Well I had my 8 days of "no contact" it was great but on Monday i fell off, let him come to see the baby and it set me back. I felt horrible all day yesterday because things were fine for awhile, then the girlfriend called, it upset me and it went downhill from there. Seeing him still hurts so much. She called him 5 times while he was at my house. The 3rd time he told her he would call her back, he was talking to me, she must not have liked that because then they started to argue and she hung up.

So things still havent changed a bit. He is still wants to try hug me, wants to lay in my lap, have this closeness between us but if I talk about making a committment to me he pulls away telling me he cant handle it, he can only deal with one thing at a time and he is with "her". I know i am to blame because I have allowed him to do this.

My problem is why do I feel like "she has won", like he is a prize to be with, why do I feel like he's giving her something better than he gave me? That he will treat her better than he did me. I feel like he will give her all the hopes and dreams he should have given to me? Am I crazy. In my mind I tell myself hey he is not doing anything different, he cheated on her with you for godsakes. But my heart is just still a mess. I meant Im not as bad off as I was 6 mths ago or even 1 mth ago Ive gotten stronger but the hurt in my heart is still so strong. Have any of you felt like this? When does this feeling go away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:39pm

We all feel like that. Especially when they leave us for the "new" partner.


The bottom line is, their relationship started on a lie. It won't last. She didn't win because if she did, she wouldn't have to call him 50 times while he is supposed to be visiting with his child. Things are not perfect with them. He got forced into having a baby with her while he is still pondering his feelings about you.


As far as him laying on you etc..... Sounds like a good old fashioned case of having his cake and eating it too. My advice STAY AWAY FROM THAT. It only confuses you and enables him to treat you like crap. Seriously...... the more you let him the more he will do it and when she calls the party will be over and the ONLY one who will hurt is you.


Honey, you have to change what's happening. Its no good for YOU start looking out for YOU. Go back to the no contact rule. Start meeting OUT for dinner so he can see your child. Stuff like that, it's easy. Just decide and you CAN do it.


Hugs sweetie, if you need anything I'm here.


Angelena


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:53pm
Angelena,
Thanks. Actually this relationship he has now is the second one since we separated. The "ow" that he got pregnant after I kicked him out was the one he cheated on me with when we were together. That's why sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. He's done these horrible things to women. Even though the "ow" got what she deserved in a way b/c she went with him knowing he was with me so that was like karma for her. I wonder how can I still feel so strongly for someone like this. He's cheated, lied, left her pregnant with his twins at 4 months and now is seeing a 20yr old that he also cheated on already. Is it wrong of me to wish that he get some dirt done to him. When will he if ever get his payback for his disgusting behavior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 3:42pm

I see, I must have gotten the two OW mixed up... my bad. But still....lol


What goes around comes around and yes he will and has gotten his. Anyone who decides to willfully go with a "married" man is just not right somewhere. I mean, it is a huge kick in the face when your BF has to go visit his wife and their child. I am sure it can't feel good, thus the reason she calls all the time.


Don't worry sweetie, as long as you are taking care of YOU and worried about YOU, you will be fine.


It was a long time after my husband left that I still felt something for him too. I think it was only fairly recently that I stopped feeling for him. You have to remember, the person he is now is not the person you love and have such strong feelings for. That person would never hurt you or your child. Once you separate the two people he has become, you will see... it does take time though.