It might be nice to hear...
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It might be nice to hear...
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 9:10pm |
from any lurkers (or regular posters!) out there that have been divorced for a few years and how their lives are going? Are they happy? Do they ever regret their decisions? What are their lives like today compared to how they were a couple of years ago? We newbies could use some inspiration!

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Well, I'm not all the way there yet, but I have been separated for just over two years now and divorced for a year and a couple of months now...
With a couple of exceptions, I am very pleased with where I am now... I am managing my money the way I want to, as opposed to blowing it, the way xh always did... by paying things off, one at a time, I feel that I am getting closer to where I used to be... I just paid off my student loan... my car and credit card will be paid off this year and then I'll just have normal day to day expenses...
I have been working very hard at work too and have just applied for a new position within the company... if I get it, it will be more responsibility and more money... it is one more step to getting there...
As for regrets, I do not have any regrets over the downfall of my marriage... while it wasn't my choice, I did all that I could do to try to save what I could and then I knew it was best this way... I knew that while it took me much longer to get where I needed to be, once I was there I would have peace knowing that I tried all I could...
I won't lie to you... I am lonely right now... I love my little boy and my Mom with all my heart, but would really love to start getting to know some new people right now... I don't exactly know where to start though... and having oodles of married friends doesn't make that easier...
It does get easier though... find something good in each day that can make you smile... do something good for yourself and revel in it... Mom and I are taking Joey to Disney in a couple of months and I am so excited... not only for him, but for me... with the way xh spent I could have never afforded such a trip, but being true to myself, I can...
Good Luck...
Julie
I am coming up on my 2 year separation anniversiary, and my 1 year divorce anniversiary. I could not be happier.
My life before: I was living with a video game addicted grown teenager who could care less about my emotional needs, sexual needs or the physical struggles of my then-recently diagnosed chronic illness. I had a very stressful job that required overtime and I was out of shape and loosing weight and getting to a very unhealthy level, I was in a lot of pain and struggling with all the new drugs I had to take and the idea that my life as I knew it was over.
My life today: I am in much better shape, my disease is under control for the most part, I live in a home that I have made my own (even if I don't own it), I have a much better job with no overtime and I am a better mom to dd. My financial future is much improved since my ex-h always made bad financial decisions that hurt us and I could never stay ahead, and my credit has almost completely recovered from his paying late on the mortgage a whole year without telling me. I have a new car (very reasonable interest rate and low monthly payment) and hope to buy a home at the end of this year. My dd is happy and healthy and stable. I love my therapist and he has helped me through a lot, including my recent breakup with my bf, which all in all was probably better for me in the long run. I have a sunny, bright future to look forward to.
Great idea!
I've been divorced for 5 years (WOW!).... and my life has never been better.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Just thought I'd chime in here :-).
Very good idea.
I am coming up on being separated for 2 years as of 7/31/03. My divorce was finalized 1/18/05.
Before: I was unhappy, gained A LOT of weight, felt alone and unloved and VERY underappreciated. He worked ALL THE TIME ( later I found out it was because of OW but at the time it just felt he was choosing work over us ) He chose computers and Xbox over us. Never liked to do things, never liked to go see family. I could never leave the house with a friend without him calling me on the cell an hour into my trip. He wouldn't do a THING around the house and basically I loved him and he didn't return that love. He wanted sex ALL THE TIME, 3-5 times a week was not enough. It was his way of showing love, he said..lol.
Now: I am in a loving and caring relationship. I am with someone who WANTS to spend time with me. I lost 85 pounds and am finally taking care of myself. We go out and do things and have fun with the kids. My kids are happier and I am going back to school to pursue my law degree. Something that my ex would have never allowed to happen.
My divorce has been final for a little over 3 years now. I've been separated almost 5 years total now (DANG! karen, can you believe it's been *this* long??!!).
I had a very difficult time for the first few years. Depression. Loneliness. Not able to get over my ex. Etc.
Now, 5 years later, I feel much better. I'm still not dating--but really have no time to date! I'm happy alone. I'm self sufficient, independent and no longer have someone leaching off of me sucking me dry. I finally realized about 6 months ago that i was no longer in love with my ex, no longer found him attractive. This was HUGE for me! Unfortunately, he continues to play his games and still tries to "get to me" and still wants to have sex (YUCK).
My kids and
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
well.... its funny, i was just thinking about this today myself. i got divorced one year ago (second marriage) and separated almost two years ago.
i am very happy with my life. the only thing i regret - is not doing it sooner! i lived with a VERRRYYYY abusive and controoling man, and both i and my son were miserable.
since we walked out on him - i have been doing great. moved on from being a passive person to being assertive, to taking control of MY life, to figuring out what *I* want out of life - not what my parents want or my friends or god - but what do I want and what i don't want. and i am FIRM on my desires now, and am much more stable as a result. i went back to school a year ago - i don't know how i would've done this before. i was so hung up on HIM, HIS needs etc and it was only when that ended that i was able to take control.
my only two problems are my lack of money, and my DS who is now 19. he has a lot of leftover issues and is working on solving them but its taking time and tha tis frustrting for me. the lack of money is a problem but i know that things will get better some day. meanwhile, i got promoted at work, am doing well in school, made new friends and i feel sooooo empowered.
did i do the right thing? in my case, i think so. sometimes, i think, marriages CAN be saved and sometimes its really a case of people marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons. i remeber when my then-husband tried to convince me to stay, insinuating that 'any marriage can work but both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage' and i remember saying to him that i think that sometimes its like that cinderella story -sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the shoe just doesn't fit!
"I think that sometimes its like that cinderella story -sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the shoe just doesn't fit!"
Wow-This is just how I feel.
Thank all of you for your stories...they are very uplifing! And honest, which is what I was looking for. It makes me feel like I am less likely to end up completely miserable, living in a cardboard box :)
Somedays, I feel very down and pessimistic about my future. Other days, I see some hope. I guess that's normal at this stage, with everything being so new.
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