It might be nice to hear...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
It might be nice to hear...
15
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 9:10pm
from any lurkers (or regular posters!) out there that have been divorced for a few years and how their lives are going? Are they happy? Do they ever regret their decisions? What are their lives like today compared to how they were a couple of years ago? We newbies could use some inspiration!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 4:30am

HONEST!!! you bet!!! i think that one of the biggest things that bothered me while i was married, was that i ralized that i wasn't being "honest". no, i don't "lie" ( i leave that to my ex!) but i really wasn't being honest with myself, with my family, with my friends. because - the truth was that i didn't love my husband, i wasn't in love with him, in fact -to be honest - i had ZERO respect for him, i hated him. he was mean and controlling and vindictive. but i was Ms. cheerleader all the way thru. whenever anyone tried to gently suggest that MAYBE he was cheap - i was ready with the excuses, all the while i was burnign up inside because HE WAS CHEAP. sure, now i can laugh about it, but then!!! OHMYGOD! it was horrible. so on the one hand i was hurt and angry and frustrated, and on the ohter hand i was covering HIS A$$!!! because i believed that somehow i could MAKE this marriage work.


and it was such a relief to let all that go.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 1:41am

I used to be a regular poster 5 years ago and now an occasional lurker...been divorced 5 years now and I have NO regrets. The beginning was tough. I have 6 children, 3 who were teenagers at the time. The ex cut all contact with older three because his girlfriend at the time felt three children at their home was enough and she was barely out of her teens herself so the teenagers were a problem for her. We had some seriously rough roads at the time..never thought I would make it through.

Fast forward 5 years. I have a wonderful job where I have steadily been promoted. My oldest graduated college last year and was married in May. I have a grandchild on the way and another in college this year. I have become the kind of woman I envied back in the day. Self assured, proud and downright happy with my life. No more planning my life around someone who already had a mother or trying to figure out what exactly I was doing wrong to make him need other women. I found myself. It took a HORRIBLE divorce and me finally leaving with 6 kids, no job and leaving everything behind. I would not change anything. For every terrible thing we went through we grew from it. My children KNOW that I am there for them and will do everything in my power for them.

Is the road tough? Yes.. Did I cry alot and feel afraid every day for at least 2 years? Yes.. Did I contemplate the what ifs? Yes... Would I still divorce him and start over? Yes.. A girl at work is going through a messy divorce and the other day we were having a discussion. When she asked me would I ever go back I simply responded no. I have much to thank him for though. ME!!! The me that was hiding under all the crap. I thank God every day that he answered my prayers differently than I asked in the early days. I asked for him to come to his senses and realize how important we were to him. He answered by showing ME how to come to my senses and realize how important I am.

To top it off...have a wonderful significant other who is the total opposite of ex who I have enjoyed the last 3 years of my life. Marriage again? Maybe. But not until I am done enjoying the ME I have become!

Good Luck to you all. Hold on tight to your children and you will come to see the value and love in your life. Because when it all comes down to it every smile you see, they miss. Every hug you get they don't. And your children will know who is there for them. Hold on tight to yourself and never let go. YOU ARE THE MOST VALUABLE person you have.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 3:49am

I've been divorced for 4 1/2 years.

At first it broke my little heart...

But now? I'm so thrilled to be able to have my own moods and my own messes and my own life that nothing else matters.

I'm very happy I'm not with him anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 11:28pm
Kelly that is the most wonderful story I have ever read. Thanks, I needed that!
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2005
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 3:48pm

My ex came home one day 10 months after we were married and said I am moving out.....at the time i was devistated i gained 75 pounds(i am an over eater when unhappy). I lived in my house for about 5 months did nothing but eat, cry and go to work.

I slowly with the help of friends and such I realized i was only in the marriage for the fact he was my first everything. I started to get out there loose the weight plus some, Started school went on alot of bad dates, learned about what i wanted and who i was by myself.

today i am 100 pounds lighter (i haven't been 135 pounds since HS), I am in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful guy.

I was lost for about 1 year, after that i started looking at all the things i wanted that he didn't, all the things i could do for myself.....I think if i went back in time 5 years knowing what i know now i would have ended it then and never have let myself become engaged....tho i didn't make the desicion i am the happier one!!!!! I have a great job, new love, new friends. He is living with his parents, he has not held a steady job since he left me, and looks like a truck hit him....I seriously am beyound the point where i am bitter but i still let my self have moments!

(p.s. i just wish the divorse would be final soon!!!!!!)

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