It is over what do I do now

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
It is over what do I do now
5
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:54pm
I found out tonight dh has been talking on phone chat lines and with other women. I can't do this anymore. It was the computer porn and chat rooms which I had to treat him like a kid and ban him from the computer. Then he ran up a 1000 phone bill last year using the internet on the phone. Had to have it cut off. Now I find out he is talking on chat lines ran up a 500 bill. He has been lying about being at work. He still will not tell me where is was. I can't do this anymore. I gave him the option to leave or stay and work it out. He walked out the door saying he would be back for the kids. I am just so mad. I have decided to divorce him since he will not change. Here I am a SAHM with four kids, a full time college student. No income, no way to put the kids in daycare since it would be more than 400

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 9:37pm

First let me say I'm so sorry.
I'm glad you're in school. That's the first thing I did after my separation.
I don't know what your, or I should say, your husband's income is like, but if you are low enough income you can probably get food stamps for food, free lunch at kid's school, and insurance for the kids, maybe more. Apply as soon as possible and find out about applying or getting on a list for help with daycare.
Let me tell you what I've done to survive since my divorce and give you some ideas. First, my ex pays child support. That and food stamps is pretty much what I've lived on for 3 years now. I don't know how to tell you to pay for a lawyer, but try calling some social service agencies and look for some kind of legal aid group in the yellow pages. If not, get a referral from a friend, and/or keep trying to get one who'll let you make payments.
How are you paying for college? If lower income you can qualify for the PELL grant. After that go to the unemployment office. They have programs to help pay for college, esp. in their Vocational Rehabilitation. Voc Rehab is a program to get people to get back to or start to work. It is for people who are disabled. The good news, so to speak, is that the definition of disabled is fairly broad. I qualify because I have a medical history of depression. Some of the things they can pay for are tuition, books, mileage, uniforms (like for nursing school), and more. If you qualify for their help, you can use the Pell grant to live on. It's not enough to live on for all year, but it's a big help.

There are also other things you can do to bring in money. I know it's hard with little ones, but it's worth the effort. Sell stuff on eBay. I've sold everything from kids' toys and videos to Tupperware, craft stuff and more I no longer used.
Go to garage sales and thrift stores to save money. There's a lot more, but that's probably enough.
Take care,
Beckie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 10:09pm

I am sorry that you and your kids are going through this. Perhaps you can find out if there's some kind of government assistence where you live. Look into applying for food stamps and other programs that can help you get on your feet. Check with the bar association for a for bono attorney to help you with the legal issues in your divorce. It may seem hopeless right now but don't give up. You can do this.

Hang in there. Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 4:28am

The Dept. of Families and Children should be the first place you go to. In most states, you have to be separated 30 days before they will assist you unless you have a TRO. HOWEVER! There is "emergency assistance" available. Usually what they will do for this is ask for a notice from your landlord if you rent that you are getting evicted. If you are buying, you will have to make up the month's morgage when you can. If you have shut off notices from utilities, that would be eligible for emergency assistance, as well. They will also give you food stamps right away.

After the 30 days is up, you will be eligible for assistance. It depends on what state you live in what is available to you. Many states will provide the assistance when you are in school. Some won't unless you are working, too. It just depends. They will often help with some kind of transportation under some circumstances, too. You need to give them a call ASAP.

In the mean time, go to your local food bank. They will help you get through at least a week or so of food items. Don't be ashamed. Feed your kids.

Is there a church that you go to? Ask for help from them. Do you have any friends? Ask for help from them. You are going to need to ask for a lot of help right now. Put away your pride and get the help you need to get on your feet!!

If you are eligible for DFC assistance, your dh will be billed for it. They will usually provide you with assistance to get child support going, if not the divorce itself.

Please, let us know how you are doing!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 10:43am

First, I just wanted to tell you that Steph had some GREAT answers to your questions.


Another thing to add is that I would definitely contact your local Legal Aid office so you can get a referral for an attorney. If you have no income, four children, and you're a college student, I would imagine that you'll get assistance.


And do NOT let him scare you into thinking he'll get the kids just because he has a job and you were an SAHM. The courts are sensitive to this. Hang in there and PLEASE keep us posted.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 1:09pm
I can offer you the fact that you are not alone, I discovered my husband last night on a singles dating service, with a message saying he was looking for a relationship with someone. He has always been hooked on internet porn, but this has taken it to the point he is totally out of hand. Last night was the final straw. (We have other problems, too)
I don't have any family either, so I have no one to turn to.
You might want to start with legal aid and WIC as far as money is concerned. Maybe they have some programs, I hope so for your sake. Take care!!