Is it supposed to hurt? Ex and new GF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Is it supposed to hurt? Ex and new GF?
3
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:38pm

A little background:

My ex and I have 2 DD's (10 and 4). We divorced in Jan 2003 and I got remarried and I've since had two sons. My relationship with my ex was bad, his wasn't kind, he wasn't nice, he didn't even like me there at the end so I didn't feel like I needed to take time to "get over" him. Recently, he's been bringing his GF around when we have things going on with our daughters. Not only that, but he makes out with her at the most inappropriate times and places and always in front of me. My DH and I have been careful not to do that around him, no PDA, and I don't bring my DH to things that are really best left to just me and the ex. Anyway, the other weekend the ex and his new gf were making out at my dd's baseball game and it really hurt. Should it still hurt even though I've moved on with my new DH? And he's been so terrible to me, throughout our marriage and afterward, why does seeing him make out with someone else hurt? And this gf is trying to play mommy to my girls...how do I keep from lighting into her?

thanks
laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:48pm

Laura, I sympathize with your situation. The best advice I can offer you is to try your hardest not to react. If they are trying to get a rise out of you and you react, it will only encourage them.

When my ex found someone I reacted badly. I know this helped drive them closer together, but I was so angry that I didn't care at the time. Also, try not to worry too much about the gf playing mommy to your kids. Your kids may like her, but you are their mother and she will never replace you. I know from experience that if you develop animosity toward her and your kids see it, it will only hurt you. They will wonder why mom is so angry toward such a nice person.

As hard as it may be, just keep your cool. (and have a drink when necessary :-P )

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 12:06am
It doesn't hurt so much as it makes me wonder WTF is wrong with me that I can't find someone that wants a long term relationship with me. There's the ones that just want you around to supplement an already established life or the ones that don't know what they want. My ex was able to move on with someone stable and committed whereas I've been struggling for over a year and if I keep on this path nothing will change. Maybe it's time to stop dating or having relationships altogether until the bad karma goes away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 10:39pm
Well, to me, the fact that it's your EX and his new hottie (apparently! if they can't keep their paws off each other) doesn't matter.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~