Is it wrong to say this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Is it wrong to say this?
3
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:17pm
Is it wrong to say “I can't buy ______ until I get the child support check”?
I have always tried NOT to say that but recently I have noticed I say it about my own financial situations, so why is it so bad to mention the child support as well? Examples, #1: I said we can paint your room "when I get my tax return", #2: we put some clothes in a big kids consignment sale and I told the kids we could go shopping for some new clothes "when we get the check from the sale", #3: when 10 yr old ds asked for baseball cleats I said "when I get my paycheck we can get your cleats". So when 16yr old dd asked for a haircut last week I said "when I get the child support" (as of today, I have received nothing for Feb). Well, my ex finds out I said that and writes me a nasty email saying "I put dd in the middle of our issues". I do not feel I put her in the middle of anything, I simply said I will get her a haircut when I get child support, just as I will buy her other things when I get other sources of income. I don't think saying I will buy x, y or z when I get my paycheck, tax return, bonus money etc is bad but for some reason saying I will buy x, y or z when I get the child support is wrong (at least in his eyes). It is not a secret that we can not always buy everything we want when we want it. We must work to earn money to buy things we want and sometimes there is not any money left for all the things we want, such is life. Why is it wrong that they know we depend on their father’s income as well to buy things? How do you feel?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 8:20pm
I think that you have to be very careful in approaching this. You don't want the child to feel a responsibility to telling the other parent that they can't have ___ because cs wasn't paid. You don't want them to feel guilty for loving a parent who doesn't pay cs or pay it on time. I do think that this is something that you can say IF you know that cs is being paid and IF your child doesn't have a personality of one who will take on everyone else's woes. KWIM? As a matter of fact, if you have those two things in place, I think it can be a good thing to tell the child that you are paying for ___ out of cs. It's good for the child to know that their other parent is helping support them.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:41am

Well, I never, EVER mention support to my kids.... BUT, I'd be very quick to tell your EX that HE puts YOU and the kids in the middle when he doesn't do what he's supposed to do.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 12:49pm

I will, from time to time, discuss my shild support payments with my son.

His mother lives far above her means. She retained the residence we shared, which is a 3500 square foot house in a very nice area. She took a job as a post-doc earning less thatn 35K per year, when her qualifications should have placed her in a $100K per year position (mainly so she'd look bad on paper and get child support).

She takes my son on vacations four or five times a year. Vacations -- like cruise the carrabean, visit mexico, visit England, skiiing in canada. She has her 27yo daughter living with her, pays for dd car and dd car insurance.

My son often wonders why we don't take those kinds of trips. So I let him know where my money goes!