Its the 7th day of school and
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:11pm |
Joey has all ready received not one, not two but THREE notes home on his behavior... and they've only done this for six days... so he's batting .500 as far as behavior is concerned... Last week he was kicking the water machine at the school... yesterday he had troubles keeping his hands to himself, and today he did as well... he was good and told me the truth, but apparently he grabbed someone at the neck, which of course, freaked me out...
I'm frustrated as lately there seems to be an utter disrespect of authority (mine included)... on Sunday, he saw a package of cookies on the counter and I told him No as he started reaching for them... he ignored that and got the bag, so I said No again... he continued to ignore... and reached in and got one, again, I said No... so he ignored and took a bite.... so I got up and took the half eaten cookie away and put him in time out...
Yesterday morning, he said he had to go potty, and instead of going potty, put shaving cream all over himself so he’d smell good...then went upstairs to brush his teeth in my bathroom and and instead of brushing his teeth, he opened a bottle of dark red nail polish and proceeded to put it all over himself—hands were covered as were parts of his legs and some on his clothes too… It has been years since I’ve done my own nails, so I don’t have any remover at home, so Joey went to school with nail polish all over himself...
I'm seriously wondering if I should seek counseling for him or me or both at this point... this seems to have been going on forever and I rarely have a day when things run as smoothly, either in the mornings, or in the evenings as I would like... I feel myself needing a break (and a long one at that), but don't see how that is possible with Joey being in school and such... I'm frustrated and am wondering if he doesn't need more than I can give him at this point...
If you made it this far thanks for listening... that turned into a much bigger vent than I anticipated...
Julie

*hugs* to you Julie! First off, counseling can never hurt! And if you find Joey a good family counselor who specializes in children, you'll both benefit.
Gracie (7) just started in counseling a couple weeks ago. Rosie's been going since she was 6 and she's almost 12. It's made a world of difference, not only in MY relationship with her, but the coping skills she's gained to deal with her father and even some social situations at school.
Last year, Gracie was having behavior issues at achool. They use the green/yellow/orange/red system (green is good, red is bad) and she had an entire week of no greens, so I started bribing her. She got a star sticker for every green day, and when she had 10 (2 weeks worth, so it encompasses a Mom week and a Dad week) I'd take her out for ice cream at our local dairy. We did it through January, and then it tapered off because we were going every 2 weeks!!!! The behavior improved almost immediately though.
Mornings and evenings..... hmmmm..... I make sure that everything is ready for morning before the girls are in bed. Clothes set out, backpacks packed, breakfast planned, and as much packed for lunch as I can. It makes mornings alot less stressful! In the evening, I try to do alot of easy dinners so that our time isn't spent cooking. And I try really hard to make sure that homework is all done so that we can play one of those wonderful 12 minute card games. (Wig Out is still my favorite!!!!)
Joey won't remember if you had easy dinners and the floor was dusty. But he will remember that you played a game with him almost every night!!!! Plus it'll lighten your mood a bit!!! All he really needs is love.
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
OK, surely there must be *something* that Joey is doing right at school... and at this point, it would be valuable to JOEY if the teacher could shift her focus on sending home a *good*report every now and then.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Karen,
I've been struggling with this... even woke up a touch early just thinking about it... I do like his teacher a lot... she seems very good for him... perhaps my expectations of his behavior are too high... I don't think I ever brought a bad note home from school and if I did, there wasn't ever more than one... so maybe I'm expecting what I expect for myself from him, which isn't a bad thing, but could be if my expectations are too high...
I have his teacher's email address and I think I will open that line of communication today. Before school started, I filled out a form about Joey... about his good things and his opportunities for improvement and included a piece about his father... I do have to tell you that I suddenly feel like I'm at my wits end...
The odd thing about Joey is that he isn't that open about what goes on at school, although, I was very proud of him for telling me the truth yesterday about grabbing a child around their neck.... the note that was sent home simply said, "Remind Joey to keep his hands to himself." Its not a horrible note and their classroom is an extremely positive place with very positive discipline, re-direction, etc as based on the discipline policy that she sent home last week to all of us.... I am trying to stress the importance of good behavior and piled on top of everything else, I just don't know what to do...
I will ask Joey what his favorite part of school was every day, but to tell you the truth, he rarely has anything for me... yesterday, they opened up the doll house for them to play with... there are lots of cool things in the classroom but his teacher is introducing things slowly, they started with 5 major stations last week and the doll house was in one of them, but they couldn't open it until yesterday...
Of course, xh was little help yesterday when I called him... Joey called him on Sunday and told him what a good week he had and that he had behaved all week... so when I called xh on Monday and told him that Joey had gotten his second note, he was shocked... but Joey told me he had had a good week... yeah, Joey will tell you that... (see we're dealing with lying too, which I can't stand, which is why I was so glad that Joey told me the truth yesterday)... but when I called him yesterday, he told me that this "clearly wasn't working" and I needed to explore other options... (which I think is pretty big for Mr. I haven't seen him since May to say)... what I could take away... I told him I had all ready taken several things away and that did not seem to matter, so I was trying this avenue... (meaning letting him know so they could talk, so we could both present the same message about needing to behave, etc and he would have a valid picture of where Joey was)... he did not seem to like that at all, but at least agreed to play along and spoke with Joey for a while... I can tell you that Joey does not like when I call his father to talk about Joey's behavior, as I get a you're not going to call my daddy and tell him from Joey at times...
OK... one thing at a time... I still think that maybe its me with the problem... that there is something I can do better, but I don't know what or how... we do have an incentive chart on the refridgeator... Joey has 12 tasks... getting up nicely, getting dressed, brushing teeth x 2, feeding dogs x 2, dishes to sink, cleaning up toys, good listening, no back talk, getting ready for bed on time, in bed on time, staying in Joey's bed all night and dry all night... its all for the surprise trip to Disney... if he gets 9 of them in a day, he gets 25 cents in spending money to take to Disney... if he gets 11, he gets 50 cents, and if he gets all 12, including dry all night, he gets a dollar... we started this August 6 and he had earned $1.25... now, I'm going to take the days that didn't qualify and add them together and make quarters where I can, but I am trying this route again... to tell you the truth, it doesn't seem to be making much of a difference...
OK, I've got to get ready for work... I will email the teacher today... I want to know more about Joey's days... I want to have good things to ask him about... He was all excited last week when they talked about Fire Safety and then the following day, they had a fire drill... Joey thought all of that was way way cool...
Thanks to all who responded...
Julie
(((hugs))) I hope things get better!
Kate
Of course you have high expectations for his behavior!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~