It's been forever... let's roll call...

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
It's been forever... let's roll call...
37
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 11:00pm

Post your name and location... children... (only if you feel comfortable doing so)... where you are in the separation or divorce process... and anything else you want to share with us...

(Karen, I hope you don't mind me doing this... we just seem to have a bunch of new faces around here lately and I'd love to get to "meet" people... :) )

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Yep, I agree. I've met several people from IV and I've really enjoyed having each of them in my life.

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003

I'm Gonna, 35, living in sunny New England and happily divorced sixteen months ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001

I'm calla from outside of the Research Triangle Park in NC. I'm mom to rosie (11) and gracie (6). I've been separated since september 2001, divorced since december 31, 2002, though I didn't find that out until a month later, and even my lawyer was surprised! EH and I are supposed to share the kids 50/50, but he's been having emotional issues so it's been more like 80/20, but I'm not complaining! He's already remarried, separated, and (they tell me) reconciling, though I won't believe it until they move back in together.

I haven't posted much lately, but I've been trying to keep up with everyone, so I'm glad this role call is going!

It's always something, though, isn't it? I don't like my new job.... EH and NW are in this cult-like group and trying to get ME to do it by saying things like "if you REALLY want to help the girls you'll do this".... but there is one good thing. I've been dating and I think he's a keeper. Funny how one good thing in your life can make all the bad things seem little.

It gets better. Time might not heal the wounds or make it easier, but remember that "this too shall pass"!!!!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006

cag0823
I live in south florida with my 4 yr old son.
I am not used to online "sharing" yet but everyone seems very nice.
I have been seperated "physically" since March 05 but emotionally since March of 03.
The decision to leave was hard but i managed to reach it with my son in mind. I wanted to set a good example for him, teach him that there are right and wrong ways to treat women. Divorce was final Oct 05.

EH and I have joint custody. I get Sat evenings through Thursday morning.

Ready to date but don't really know how to start. I went from HS boyfreind to EH and don't have a lot of experience in that department.

Good luck to everyone.

Avatar for momof2youngins
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

I'm Cheryl (32), WOHM to DD (8/97) and DS (6/99) in St. Louis, MO. I left my XH February 2004, mutually filed for divorced January 2005, finalized March 2005. Summer of 2004 he finally sought help for his depression and was diagnosed with a Bi-Polar Disorder which finally gave me some explanation for his actions (or lack thereof). He has been unemployed since September 2003 but is at least seeking psychological treatment now so he is becoming more stable and I presume will become employed again soon. So, no child support but he comes over to our house every Tues and Thurs and is real good about coming over when I have meetings and such to attend or when the kids are off school. Making the transition from married to single parent was not real difficult for me since I had pretty much felt like a single parent the last year and a half or so of our marriage. Since it was a mutual decision to divorce, I've been quite blessed with keeping our friendship intact. :D

Barb, I just had to chuckle when you said "I like his parents though, and they like me". LOL ;D My XMIL and XFIL love me too, as I do they,...and actually thanked me for putting up with him as long as I did/have. We still get together for dinner and to visit every so often.

This board was a huge sounding board and support for me in late 2003 and early 2004 as I worked through the decision to leave him and to actually carry it out. I stop in here as often as my life allows me too...but will try to make more of an effort to post. :D

Edited to correct typos...sorry, semi-perfectionist here.




Edited 1/7/2006 7:18 pm ET by momof2youngins
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005

I'm Annette from Ontario, Canada. I have 3 wonderful children..8 yr old DD, 6 yr old DD & 6yr old DS..

They are handling this waaayy better than I am..We too have been separated for a year..no divorce in site. In Ontario unless there are obvious grounds you must be separated for a year before divorcing. I have been a year trying to get him to settle our affairs. At first he was stalling now he is refusing to work it out. Unfortunately in Ontario there is no-fault divorce, it really doesnt matter what he has done (lied, cheated, stole money) everything is split 50/50.

He too came home one day & said "I don't love you anymore" & moved in with a woman the next day.. He now is living with another woman that he has been seeing for 10 mos. According to him a lot younger, lively and nicer to him..blah blah blah..

I work shift work & the kids live with me..he sees them every other weekend and Wednesday nights for 2 hrs..& calls them (in his words) "when I remember"

Since he has left I have started a gift basket company with my sister ..slow but sure!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005

Debbie,
Two children Molly 17 Robert 15. I battleing alcohl addiction.
Filed for divorce in sept 05, changed my mind and am now waiting to see
what my husband wants. I thank God everyday for my church family and friends.

I pray, God to give me the courage to do what I know I need to do.
I'am so sorry for being a pain in the ass. Everyone says I'm not and they are
trying to help me see all the good I do and how much I'm loved.

How can I go wrong with that network?
God be with us all. He is AWESOME.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Hi All -
Great idea!
I have to say I'm not a regular poster here anymore but I do lurk every now and then. My divorce was final 1/20/05. Comming up on my first anniversary!! Yeah!
My name is Eileen, I'm 46 years old, two children, a 21 year old and a 18 year old. I live in southeastern Michigan. I was married for almost 25 years! The last 10 were hell. XH was/is an abusive, controlling maniac. It took me 10 years to finish my degree and get some money in the bank before I could get up the courage to leave. It has been the best thing I have ever done, short of having the two best kids any mother could wish for. My only regret is that I didn't get them away from him sooner, there are some lasting mental scars on both of them from him, for that I will never forgive myself.
But life is great, my job - I'm an Interior Designer - is fabulous! And I have started dating again.
Sometimes I fall back into the victim thinking - but I get back up and brush myself off and try again. Counsuling has helped me tremendously! I highly recommend it.
This board was a great source of help and support for me during my divorce - Thanks to everyone who listened and responded with positive feedback.
e
Avatar for momof2youngins
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Debbie...I'ld like to invite you over to the 12-Step Recovery Board here at PP. It is full of a great group of women whom strive to encourage each other and lend their BTDT experiences with each other. While I may have a few years clean and sober....I still struggle from time to time while dealing with life on life's terms. Here is a link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhivh12step/

I have found that the best amends I can make to loved ones that I have hurt in the past is to continue to live a clean and sober life while continually working on and improving on the quality of my life. :D I have also found it to be true that actions DO speak louder than words and are actually more well received. It sounds like you have an awesome network of support and that is great. But don't forget to forgive yourself...I damaged, cheated, and lied to myself while I was drinking and when I got sober I needed to make an amends to myself and learn to love myself again. I leaned on the few people that still loved and cared for me until I was able to forgive and trust myself again.

Going through my separation and divorce has (so far) felt like the most difficult thing I've had to live through in sobriety...but I did it...and it reminded me that God has not brought me this far to just drop me off on my own. You CAN do it.

(((HUGS)))

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2006

Hi, My name is Melissa and I live in Michigan. I am just in the process this week of filing for a divorce. My husband of 7 years told me on Dec 23rd that he was seeing a co-worker for about a month. He has known her for about 4-5 months. he doesn't want counseling and thinks his life is better with her so I am letting him go. We have 1 child together and just purchased a new home on August 26th 2005, what a dumb decision to do if your so unhappy in your marriage, I think my husband has had a mental break down to put us through all of this. I really need some support, for the last 8 years I have revolved my life around him and his controlling ways by not having any friends because of his jealousy. I would just like to talk to some woman who are in my shoes. Take care to all who are going through this terrible time.

Melissa