It's FINAL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
It's FINAL!
9
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 2:25pm

Well I got my divorce decree in the mail today. that was fast. Said what we had agreed upon. So I can quit worrying about that. Only took about 4 weeks total I think. I am not sure how to feel. I have been in such pain and horrible distress the last 2 months that I am numb I think.

I did feel a light bulb come on early this a.m. that told me I Dont Love Him Anymore. How can I still love someone who betrayed and abandoned me? I cant. Oh yes I hurt but love him?
I only hurt for what I thought was going to be. I hurt for the years and years of him saying I love you then finding his lover from 30 yrs ago.

I had considered having an affair to keep our sex life going but I have changed my mind again about that. He should be out of here for good in about 2 weeks then my aim is for No Contact. I hope that happens. I married him three times. I got the other two divorces and he got this one over this other woman. together 30 years and never really apart. This last marriage was 11 years.

Can I heal? I dont know. I must try. I am 57 years old and life as I knew it just ended.
It was a difficult marriage so I should be glad but well I am not. I am just sad and numb.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 6:37pm
We all go through a grieve process at least I did I felt numb at first but let me tell you each day it will get better and you will feel hope again so hang in there and know that we are here for you HUGS

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 7:13pm
I know you may not believe this, but you really deserve some peace in your life. This divorce could be the first major step in healing for you. From what you have written, this man has been a volatile, toxic presence in your life for decade. I really think the time has come to let go and move on. You CAN do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 8:29pm

Oh Gee thanks. I did cry for a bit ,then I went and got my sister and we went to a store and I bought three neat wooden stand up letter signs. cut outs sort of. One says Believe,
one says Hope and one says Happiness. I will put them where I can see them everyday.

my house will look like a psychologists office before long LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 8:33pm
I do think that you are right. three decades! Healing and letting go of the Dream that didnt happen will be a miracle. But like the poem that Karen has posted.There is Beauty in the Breaking.
thanks so much for your support. !!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:06am

Hi dollyfrocks,

I've been following your posts both on this board, and the BS board. I just want wish the best of luck to you on this new chapter in your life. I know it's been a long time coming for you, and I'm sure the possibilities of what lies ahead come with mixed feelings. Still, no matter what you are a refreshed woman with new possibilities for the future.

My STBX and I will be signing papers in a couple of weeks, and since we hopefully will agree on everything as well, ours will go as smoothly and quickly as yours did. I am nervous for that day to come, but take comfort in reading about others who got there, and are still standing to tell about it!

Cheers to you!

Tis

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:00pm

Hugs! I hope this is a true beginning!

I have always valued the image of "the wounded healer." Those who have walked the walk are in the best position to give back and help others heal. As you recover and go forth, may your share your healing with others!

Hugs,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:14pm

I got the same ones of course they are Japanense signs one reads Happiness Hope and Tranquility ( now that the crazy ex in laws are gone ! ) LOL

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 1:46pm
Yeah maybe as soon as he gets moved out they will actually have a chance to work here hehe!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 3:55pm

Good for you Dolly...

I don't believe that D day is ever a happy day for anybody - too much grieving on the way. But we must all remember that grieving is a way to make place for life - I like the new way to do "divorce parties"... they aren't parties, just as burials aren't parties, but having friends and family around can help.

You are all the better out of it. Keep your chin up, and look for the sunset.