It's not fair
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| Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:17pm |
It's just not fair.
We have been broke up for 8 months now and he is living his life better than ever. He has a new girlfriend and seems so happy. He has had several girlfriends since we split and several sex partners. I on the other hand am miserable. I cry all the time. I feel sick to my stomach...literally...when I think about him and her.
He left me and never gave me a second chance. Said I was a mean girlfriend and he was unhappy. He had his problems as well. So we broke up and that was that. He continued to tell me you never know....let's live our lives and see what happens. Maybe we will get back together. Then there was a point were he wanted to go to counseling with me. Said if we got back together he wanted to really make it work this time. Well that didn't happen because he startes dating this new girl that just got out of jail!!!! She is 21 he is 25.
I am so depressed with hate towards him and hurt. How could he do this to me and his kids. We have 2 kids. 4 and 2. I thought we would live old together and have a happy family. He is even starting to not see the kids anymore. How could he do this.
Please someone give me some insight. I stay at home with my kids all day and night. Babysit during the day. I am going crazy being all alone. No friends...no one.

Hang in there girl! I know your pain and so do many many of us on this board. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
There is alot of help on the boards and just keep chatting with others. I have no answers.
My heart has been ripped out.......the only thing that has really helped me is TIME.
I thought I would never ever get over what happened to me........but I have grown and I have a different outlook on everything. I dont even think I love my X anymore and that is a big step after 30 years. He has never been happy but I was a good wife n mother. He is still trying to crawl back but I dont see how anything could change. Divorced me for another woman now buys me roses and says I love you. You have to detach.......you can still love him but detach from the games he is playing. Take good care of yourself and your kids. and just put him on the back burner. I know you will get lonely at times but get on the internet and share your story.
Try to keep it together for your kids. Love yourself, and fight for a good life, a life where you are treated with love and respect. You do not deserve this and NO its not fair.
Life is never fair. that is why loving ourselves has to come first. We get stronger as we deal with all the crap that is dished out at us. You are not alone you are certainly not alone there are thousands of us betrayed ones......if not more.
Thank you. I just have my days where I get super lonely and feel like our whole 6 years was nothing to him. I know when I am ready I will get back into the dating game. I have had many offers, but just not interested.
Today I saw his gf for the first time and it actually sent me some relief. She looks really nasty and makes me feel so much classier than her.
One day he will regret it and by then I hope I will have moved on.
Karma!!!
Well thanks again and I am sorry about your relationship.
Good luck! They say its best not to date right away anyway. I know if I was to date that I have all this baggage to take with me. No matter how we try to hide it or how much we have healed..........there are inner scars.
I made my choices..........I went back and I went back and ...........wrong choices. I should have known it could come to no good. But I am stronger now and maybe wouldnt be this strong had I not been through what I have been through. Listen to Gloria Gaynors song:
"I will survive" it is wonderful!
told my sis about the roses and of course no one knows his intentions and she said so what? enjoy the roses!
Well he came over tonight to drop off child support money. Then said he wanted to talk to me next week sometime about the kids. I said well lets talk now....what do you wanna know about the kids. Then he said he just wanted to talk to me about stuff. So I said fine. Now I am all curioud as to what he wants to talk to me about. He drives me crazy.
So what is your story with your ex if you would like to share. I would love to hear about it.
Hi.....
hey its a long story lol I will repost a post I did in Dec of last year. I have come a long ways. He says he is not talking to her but I dont know whether to believe him or not. our divorce was final on feb 1 and he still sees me. go figure. the scenario now is that my daughter and the biological daughter of that relationship are chatting and planning to do sibling DNA test. I think its great and I have encouraged the girls to do the DNA to find out for their own peace. but her mom (the MOW and my X dont know it yet.) Their affair continued on until April and it may be going on still but he is out of town and has a work cell and a lap top with another email address so I cannot monitor him now. I am just trying to take care of myself and not get bent out of shape ....
here is the old post. I am more numb now than angry and alot has happened since then.
enjoy:
dollyfrocks
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ignore posts discussion title: I am soooo full of rage!!! Long Post!emoticon: message #: 18736.1 from: dollyfrocks date: Dec-21 4:01 amreplies: 48
I am so full of rage at my DH and the OW!~ I am trying to make xmas gifts and I cant even function. I have been lurking but I just have got to talk to someone! I have been leaning on my 24 yo DD and all it did was make her hate her dad. I just wish now I had not told her but it is so very hard to suffer alone. I cant tell my mom n sister as my mom is 84 yrs old and I do not want to ruin anyones xmas! OMG I thought I was a sensible reasonable stable person but the stuff I have been doing my 28 yr old DS says I need help.
And I am doing the stupid dumb things I always thought were horrible when women did them.
What is wrong with me? I need you people to help me. I have read everyself help book on the planet and I still cannot handle this this time........well here is my story.
I love my husband........I always have. we had a 29 year relationship in which we were married three times. the reason because of his emotional and verbal abuse and 3 beatings.
He hadnt beat me for 23 years, This last time we got married 10 years ago were not too bad especially the last 3. I thought things were going so much better and I sighed a sigh of relief that perhaps we could now be somewhat happy and grow old together.
My son is 28 he was born shortly after we got married the first time. well a few months before that he was having an affair with a married woman.......when her husband came home from military duty she went back to him but she was pregnant with my husbands child.
They say they tried to get ahold of each other for years but to no avail. My husbands daughter is now 29 or 30
now all these years later, in November my husband said he was ready to find his daughter
I said that is so wonderful!! he says he found the mother on the internet and that she would be calling. they talked some and she sent him pictures of her and her babies and I was excited to have a step daughter and step grandkids!! and happy for him. BUT the mother has still never told her daughter that the man who acted as her father is not really her dad.
well without going into all the details.........the couple phone calls I figured this would involve have turned into hours and hours of emails and phone calls! I dont think my husband has ever even talked to me that much in 28 years~~! I questioned him and he said well they just had alot in common. I told him that was not acceptable. that if we had to we could find his daughter and tell her ourselves. He said no that is up to the mother .........so I log onto our verizon account and see the many hours they chat. good grief she has a husband ........
He says he loves her very much and that he has never loved a woman like her in all his life. he said he was sorry but he enjoyed talking to her so much he just couldnt help himself and they did indeed still love each other. I said how in the h#@! can you love an adulterous woman like that who has lied to her daugher for 30yrs? She told him the are very good christian people. WHAT> ? I wont say the religion cause that could offend someone but I am so shocked. how can he think she is so godly special when she is an adulterous and a cheat and a liar and a hyocrite?
I said what do you mean? she is married. she has always been married and you only knew her six months!! I am shocked and hurt..........so shocked. I dont understand at all.
I said well what do you plan to do? and he said well dont worry.........she will never leave her husband...........(I mean this woman is spose to be a godly woman) but she can spend all these hours of talking and emailing and all this intimacy?
so I guess he must have meant dont worry as he can probably never have her though he wants her. he says she is the most special woman in the world.
I am guessing he planned on continuing this love affair over the phone n email or perhaps to get with her and stay married to me. I told him this would not work that it was heracy!
so he said ok we will get a divorce.
myself and my kids think this man has lost his mind. I have never caught him for sure committing adultery. My daughter is in shock cause he always made the kids think I was the one with faults and he could do no wrong. I think they are so angry with him too because I can take this one minute and the next I am a blubbering idiot. I have threatened to hack into his email, threatened to have his cell shut off....its in my name. well that wont work we all five are on it and he said go ahead I will stop paying the bill.
I make extra money and he is the breadwinner. he will be booming out to another job soon and says he will stay here and pay the bills until time to leave and then pay the bills till the end of march so I can get some savings ahead. I will keep the house its just a small house that I have worked very hard to try and doll up. I also talked him into giving me 1/3 of his retirement and $200 a month unless I marry. I guess ...is that the way that works.? he will keep all his belongings, vehicles, 401 ks, IRA's and money from the sale of his dads farm.
I think with the 200 a month I can survive as my mortgage is 540 a month so putting that against will be 340. that I will only have to make enough to pay the utilities, maybe eat? dog food, cable, internet, insurance and etc,
I have not felt well this last year but before that I was making around $1,000 a month.
yes I am scared. I work for myself but at min wage, I have no marketable skills , I would bring home even less. min wage in this state is like 5.50 an hour I think.
well .........I have threatened to call her, call her husband, I follow him to see if he is going to call her, I cry I yell, I threaten, look pitiful then am fine for a while.......the bang its back. I have completely lost it. I am already on wellbutrin have been for years.
I just cant accept this and let it go. There were times I had wished he would find someone so I didnt have to hurt him and tell him I wanted a divorce. because he was the emotional and verbal abuser and hurt me so every day. I read the book Verbal Abusers Speak out. I have highlighted every thing in there! he fits the abuser to a T. anyway now I finally thought he had changed and we could be a little happy together that all was well! In fact before I knew of his disgusting dying love for her he all the sudden turned a new leaf. he even hugged my mom and other people and treated me like gold. we all thought maybe he had found out he was dying or something so was now going to be nice? I relished in it.! at the same time worrying about him. he had some Dr visits n tests around that time. I decide he had come to terms with How To Be Nice To Others. but
the BANG the bottom fell out of that one. He was happy cause this horrible married woman far away was talking to him? oh get real!I told him he is in love with a fantasy they didnt even know each other. He says he cant help it She is all he ever wanted in a woman.and is soooo special. I even had sex with him the other night thinking well this may be my last and Ihope she can hear us!
I just have to get ahold of myself. My daughter says I deserve so much more.
another thing while he was on the cell with her tonight I called repeatedly so the little beep that comes in would irritate him. I did this for like an hour. I was pretty angry that he didnt take my first call in...........I told him WHAT if the kids had just gotten in a terrible car wreck and he would rather keep talking to this woman than know ???
what is wrong with this man?I told him when he goes to the next job and if the kids get hurt I am not even going to try and call him. why should I have to push redial for more than an hour ??
oh I am just soooo angry!! He has an appt with the attorney on the 29th. I told him before I will sign them it better explain that is 10 year marriage was after 20 previous years as I dont want the judge to say I dont deserve the alimony and retirement.
I just wont sign them unless it says enough to ease my fears.
I so wish I wasnt going through this .....I have xmas gifts to finish making and I am so obessed with this hurt and betrayal and fear of the unknown. I appreciate anyone who can share their stories and give advice. other than counseling as I dont have th emoney and as I said I have read every self help book they have ever printed I think!!!!
My husband has always stood tall for being the leader of the family and having or so he said VALUES! while he made me look like a jerk to my children with his criticsm and hate toward me. always belittling me and making fun of my music, my talents my hobbies, my ability to earn money? was always a joke to him.
I just do not understand why I am taking this so hard!!
Edited 12/21/2006 4:08 am ET by dollyfrocks
Hi,
They removed my post so I'm not sure how we can chat.
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