it's not over until is over...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
it's not over until is over...
5
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 8:20pm
Well, thanks again to those of you who have been following my story. On 10/28 my H agreed to try things and break up with OW like I requested-- according to him he is doing it because of DS who is 7. I was skeptical but I was willing to give it a try; I needed to be able to say "I tried" although I have questioned my motives lately. Why am I so into this man? It's sort of like an addiction I have concluded, and addictions are unhealthy. Just to make a very long story short, he broke up with her (had break up sex with her that same night just two days after we decided to try things), but aside from having a couple of family outings in which I basically walked 20 feet behind my DS and him, we haven't spent any time together. He is not allowing us to spend anytime alone! We have time, financial resources, baby sitters, support , family! After a week or so, I confronted him and he told me that it is all
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 9:49pm

If he only agreed to work things out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 7:12pm

Thank you Lili


That's exactly what's happening. He wants to keep his options open. Bot OW and I are sick of that...He's not a bad person, but someone who has a difficult time being less self centered... We will talk again tomorrow as per his request. I hate the fact that I didn't file yet. I wanted to go in to this conversation saying " here it is buddy, sign it and adios or don't and let's work it out"... I will keep you posted...


Marta

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 10:22pm

Good luck. Just make sure that whatever you decide to do you are doing it for your best interest not because it's what he wants or because of competition and jealousy. I hope things work out the way YOU want them to. You shouldn't have to share the man you love with anyone.


Keep us posted

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 9:53pm
I know the we all could have predicted that H was going to cancel which he did....abruptly. I called angry and upset asking why he hadn't even called me to cancel. He just didn't show up. I should have predicted that. He said that he was going to call me later on. Then he said to get a "hold of myself" and stop being histerical because I was crying, and when I said that I have been very patient with him and that I just wanted to know his thoughts about him not allowing us to try things like we said we were going to 2 weeks ago, he immediately wanted to get off the phone. At that point he said that I should have been more patient with him 3 years ago (when he had his first affair) and not now. He also said that we will talk tomorrow. I feel like an idiotic stupid fool just for even agreeing to that. I don't even know myself anymore. I should file tomorrow or Friday just to help myself hold on to the little dignity I have left.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:31pm

Sounds like you need to stop worrying about what his next move is going to be and start regaining your strength and confidence back. Stop letting him call the shots. You can't force something that isn't there so you need to move on for your