It's officially over......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
It's officially over......
5
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 12:03pm

Well, my divorce was final 7/27/07! I made it through the whole thing without shedding a tear....I walked out of the court and lost it.

He has since moved his girlfriend in, my DD is so mad at him she won't even talk to him, and now, he's sending me "hate" mails telling me I'm manipulating my DD to make her not want to go with him. She'll be 13 in November and the girlfriend was a mutual family friend, who spent a lot of time with me and my family, as well as my DD. My DD loved her. What does he expect? How can he blame me for my DD's reaction to this?

I swear I don't even know him anymore. Him and the OW must just sit around and bash me into the ground. All while I'm trying to keep my head above water as well as the kids. What is wrong with this picture? I could never fathom what he's done to me and the kids.

I am just so sad to know it's officially over and he's moved on with his life without even skipping a beat.

Hugs, and thanks for listening!
Jennifer in CT

Avatar for lisacnb
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 2:00pm

You said: "...he's moved on with his life without even skipping a beat." Can we ever be sure that this is true? It may appear that way from the outside, but we never truly know what they felt, are feeling or may feel in the future. All we can do is know how we feel and work with our feelings without taking on others or projecting something that may not even be true.

You said: "How can he blame me for my DD's reaction to this?" It really doesn't matter how or why - because people will do what they will do. The question is what are you going to do about it? Will you play into his hands and fight with him and try to justify or will you honor yourself and your daughter and just let it die?

How well we survive divorce really comes done to how much we honor and respect ourselves. This sometimes gets a little blurry when we are dealing with so many emotions; of which may be shame, guilt or anger. What we need to remember when we are going through this healing process is to give ourselves all the things that we wanted or hoped our spouse would give us. Then and only then will we be able to move on.

I guess what I am trying to say is to learn to love yourself enough that it won't matter what your ex does or doesn't do. Love your daughter like you wish he did, be with your daughter like you wish he would. Give your daughter a safe place to share with out judgment. Give yourself a safe place to share without judgment.

Well, my divorce was final 7/27/07! - Congratulations, now you have a blank canvass on which to design your new life on your terms! You deserve it, don't you think? Take this great opportunity to get to know the real you and begin to design an amazing future for you and your daughter.

Wishing you much happiness!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 2:40pm

Thank you so much for that wonderful reply! What an eye opener! sniff sniff, I think I need a kleenex!!!

Have a wonderful day, again, thank you!
Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 3:37pm
I am so sorry to hear. My divorce is just in the beginning stages, but I understand about the OW and how you feel. The OW in my case was a co-worker of his, and a friend of mine. He is still claiming that they are "just friends", but this morning I got up really early and drove over to where I thought she lived, I had to drive around the neighborhood ahwile to find her house. Sure enough, I found his car parked out front. It is not everyday you watch your husband walk out of his "friends" bedroom (I saw through the window). I am sick with sadness, so I feel for you. My heart goes out to you.
Take care
Robin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 3:44pm

I'm so sorry Robin, it's not going to be easy for you....some days I don't even know how I survived the day, but somehow, some way, I do.

There is some sense of peace now that it's over but having to deal with him and the OW and my children being so upset is definately a challenge.

Hugs to you my friend. If you ever want to chat, please feel free to contact me via email. You can never have enough support!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 8:46pm

What a jerk!! I can't for the life of me understand why so many men are so self absorbed that they don't have the least consideration for even their kids. I feel soooo bad for your daughter. It's so hard to see your kids in pain, especially when you can't really do anything about the cause. Just try to get her to talk to you, or someone. Maybe counseling can help her anger.