I've been given a reprieve

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
I've been given a reprieve
7
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 10:45am
My son and I are currently living with family. My family to be exact. Right now it's best for both of us, financally, emotionally and every other way. My ex told me that I had until July 1 to move out otherwise he'd take me to court and try to force me to move. I wasn't terribly worried about him taking me to court, I knew that there wasn't really any way that I would be "forced" to move, that he couldn't prove that our son is in a bad environment where he's being "turned against his father" .. but I didn't want to have to go through all of it. Well he told me this weekend that he'd decided I didn't have to be out by July 1 ... that as long as i moved out by the time out son started kindergarten, I'd be OK, and he'd be happy. Our son will be 2 (on July 1). He said he'd hoped I would want to move out before then, (and I do), but right now financially it's just not possible, especially since he helped ruin my rental history .. anyhow that came as a huge sigh of relief. I kept telling him I would be out by July 1 (even though I had no intention of doing so).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 10:52am
That's a start at least! It is sort a break in his recent behavior and shows that maybe there is a chance he won't continue to be so irrational. It sounds like maybe one of his concerns is that your son be raised by his parents, not his grandparents, and that his son have a mother that is strong and self supporting. Although he can't dictate how you live your life, those are reasonable things to want for your child. Do you think that is where the 'must move out' was coming from? I'm guessing you don't want to live with your family forever either, right? Anyway, congratulations on having a positive interaction with him!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:32am
Yes, he thinks that my our son is going to confuse Grandma and Grandpa for mommy and daddy .. there is some reasonableness to his maddness, but most of it is totally unreasonable, and just totally irreational.
Of course i don't want ot live with my parents forever, but like I said, at least for now, it's best for both my son and me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 2:22pm
Good lord ... I thought he was going to not be a prick anymore. But that is apparently not so. After today I'm waiting for him to say now I DO have to get out.
He called me at 10:30am and asked if he could pick son up at noon. i wasn't planning on this. My mom (who watches him) wasn't planning on this, so he didn't have a morning nap, which he usually does when he gets him on Tuesday afternoons. So he just called and said "Does he have any powder -- his ass is all broken out, he's not being cleaned, he still has sand on him from yesterday)." ... i know he's going to probably take him to CPS this afternoon, or at least call them. Of course he told me the main reason he was getting him this afternoon was because he felt guilty yesterday because he was impatient with him yesterday afternoon. Not violent, just impatient ... as all parents probably can get with their children .. said it kept him up all night, and he was crying when he picked him up. But really my bigger concern is the fact that he is convinced our son is not being properly cared for/cleaned. He already hates the fact that my Mom watches him (he will be going to Mothers Day out 2 days pew week starting in June) .. and this is just adding fuel to his fire. yes, I didn't give him a bath last night. does that make me a horrible mom? his butt was not chapped and blistery this morning, so I know it didn't just happen in the 4 hours this morning...i hate him so much sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:35pm
So yet again, he just called and said that if his butt isn't taken care of, the next time he'll just take him to the hospital and they'll call CPS. Yeah. Right. I find it hard to believe that it's THAT bad this time. Like I said, it wasn't like that yetersrday, it wasn't like that this morning. Ireally seriously doubt it's as bad as he says it is. Give me a flippin break. He goes "He's supposedly in good child care" I said he is "A lot of people (which would be his mom, and maybe one of his sisters) disagree". Ugh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:41pm
If I were you, I'd take a picture of his little butt when he gets home (use a digital camera though if you have one, some photo labs will call the police with naked pictures of children). Just so you have a record of it not being bad. If it's something that can be cleared up with one round of diaper rash cream, it's not bad. At the very least docuemnt your observations of the state of his bottom when you get home, in case this ever does come up in court, you have your version documented at the time it happened. Hopefully you are documenting everything to date, it sounds like you might need it down the road.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:45pm
I'm documenting everything -- including every week when I have to give him $5 so our son can eat lunch/dinner when he goes with him. I plan on taking a picture of his butt tonight. If it was bad earlier my Mom would have put diaper cream on it and told me about it. I'm sure he's taking pictures too .. but even pictures of diaper rash months apart are not going to rasie an alarm for cps, I mean come on. He's just mad. And this is his way of trying to get back at me. He was also getting ready to give him a bath. Yes, I didn't give him a bath last night. SHoudl I have? Probably. He got one Monday night, and then was playing with daddy all day yesterday, got home and both he and I were exhaused. So he didn't get a bath last night. Make me a bad mommy? maybe. But I also didn't expect him to be going with his father today. Usually these things are planned a little bit more in advance than an hour and a half.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:58pm
I don't think CPS would do anything even if he did call them, I just think down the road he's going to bring this up in court and you don't want it to be simple he said/she said, your documentation will serve you well if that happens.

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