I've never been in love with you

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
I've never been in love with you
3
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 11:48am
Last night my soon to be ex said that he has thought that I tricked him into our son (who is 4) and that he has never been in love with me but does love me. WHAT THE *ELL!! He NEVER used anything for birth control and knew from the beginning that I didn't either. When he asked me to marry him I said no the first two times because I didn't think he really wanted to be married again. Then he talked me into it. He told me that he was so in love with me that he did want to be without me. Now, after five years, he no longer thinks that he has ever been in love with me. The most hurtful thing he has said is that I tricked him into having our son. How can a man look at his family with so much hate?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 12:05pm

I think it's just an excuse to justify their leaving. My STBX told me that he never really wanted a 3rd child...he only agreed to it because he didn't want to lose me! But then he left me when that 3rd child was only 9 weeks old????? He has told me so many twisted reasons about why he left me that I can't even count them anymore and none of them make any sense...except the one about him having a girlfriend. Oh wait, he still says that had nothing to do with it....yeah right!

Sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs your way!

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 1:05pm

It is amazing what some people will do to rationalize their own actions. They twist the past and don't accept responsibility for decisions they were 100% a part of. Why they have to turn on those who have always been there for them, I will never understand. When you think about it, it is sad that they have to tell themselves such lies in order to be able to live with themselves and what they have done.

I am so sorry that he is saying these things to you. You know deep in your heart what really happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 5:20am

I do believe that some people mean it when they say they have never been "in love" with you. I have always cared about my husband, but cannot say that I was ever truly "in love" with him. I loved what he represented, the family, the sense of security and belonging. I also married quite young and was caught up in a young girl's dream of the white wedding and happily ever after. I wanted the wedding but realize I didn't really want the marriage and restraints and limitations that come with it. I've been faking it for so long (good mom, good wife) that it's hard to remember what my true feelings are.

I am not trying to be hurtful to you, but men do make this same mistake. It's hard to not take it personally, but if in fact he's telling you the truth, realize it's a mistake HE made and absolutely NOTHING that YOU have done to bring him to this point.