January Roll Call

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
January Roll Call
24
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 9:13pm

Hey everyone... there are a bunch of new faces around here and we haven't done a roll call in a while, so please, sign on in with the information you feel comfortable sharing, such as name and location, as well as a bit about your situation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 10:51am

Hello,

I am mostly a lurker and have lurked here probably for the better part of 2 years.

I have been trying to get divorced for 5 years. My x has played every card in the deck of due process to keep this from happening. We were married 20 years. I have 3 children 22, 18 and 13. One in college and one going in June.

The final judgment has been drawn up but yesterday the was a posting on my case that stated "order recusal". That would mean that the judge is removing himself from the case. Absolutely unheard of post ruling etc.

Called the clerk of courts and she says that it is "possibly" a mistake. So here I sit with a closing scheduled next week, a payout to the x scheduled for the same day and in limbo as to whether or not we have to start all over again after 5 years.

Otherwise, I'm good. LOL

I initiated the separation and the divorce. I died emotionally and grieved the loss of my marriage about 5 years before I made a move as that was the time I spent planning and completing my degree so that I could support my kids on my own.

Currently 2 semesters from completing a masters of science and working toward a program manager position with my company.




Edited 1/10/2007 10:53 am ET by dirextor

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 11:54am

Hi Julie...


What's up?.... Sounds like things are rolling along... except for a bumpy Sunday???


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 12:29pm
I am Jennifer. I have four kids. I have not filed yet. I am trying to put it off until March (married 10 yrs then) in hopes that I can get alimony on top of cs while I finish college. H likes to cheat, lie and go to strip clubs. I am trying to take steps now to get ready. I wish March would hurry up and get here.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 12:37pm
Morning everyone,
My name is Gen and my husband of 7 years just left me this Sunday. I didn't really see it coming & now I am devistated. He said he didn't know if he ever really loved me and that he thought there was someone better out there for him. I came to this board to get support and advice. I feel like an idiot for standing behind him these past years. He is special forces and deployed through out our marriage while I stayed behind true to him.
Anyway.... Don't mean to be on a soapbox.
If there is someone out there that would like to take me under their wing it would be appreciated.
Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 1:56pm

Hi, I have been lurking here for a few weeks. I posted on the betrayed spouse board 2 years ago, and it finally happened, H filed in late Nov.

Our details, married 16 yrs, together 17, he is turning 50 soon and I am almost there. 3 kids ages 5 through 12. He cheated the first time 14 years ago, we went to counseling and started a family (big mistake on my part, should have left him then). Cheated again 10 years ago, again 2 years ago, then started up again in Aug of 2006 with 2 women, then called the OW from 10 years ago in Oct. There were also a few one night stands that I just found out about. He has decided he is totally in love with the OW from 10 years ago, she is now divorced and giving him money to help get out of our marriage. I am wife #3, supposedly no infidelity in the past (so he says).

I work part-time, and will probably move out of our house into a smaller rental in the neighborhood so that the kids can stay in their schools. I cannot afford to buy in this area, and can't afford to maintain the house even with child support and spousal support. We are currently living in the same house.

The hardest parts for me (since I totally detest him now after all he has done) is the embarrassment and the grief over the loss of the marriage. Very few folks in our area are divorced, I am worried that I will lose friends and my kids lose friends when people find out. I have only told family, 2 close friends and one neighbor (who has generously offered her home if I have to move out before getting money). There are assets to divide up, so I will be able to survive, but this is not the dream I had of our future. Mourning the loss of that dream is where I am right now.

We are using a divorce mediator but only I have met with her so far.

He is regularly leaving town to be with the OW. Its easier when he is gone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 2:45pm
Hi, this is Molly. I have not posted before but been lurking for awhile. H (15 years married) is an alcoholic. After two different 8 week stints in inpatient re-habs and financial ruin in the past year I have finally decided that enough is enough. I can't let the kids (12, 10, and 7) and I go down with the ship. I really wanted this to work and hoped that I could be the support he needed to get past this but I am trying to get past the guilt and remember that the kids come first.
I filed in the beginning of December and am in the middle of the nightmare negotiations. I am trying to look ahead and figure out how to support us financially and anticipating better days. The holidays were awful but hopefully 2007 will be better for us. Soooo sad how somethings work out. Thanks for sharing your stories. They have been inspirational and educational for newbies just starting the process.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 4:01pm

Hi I'm Christine

Like Molly, i have been married to an alcoholic for the past 20 years. i filed for divorce in october, but my stbx refused to go to court. so i am now in the process of moving out of our home (which will go to foreclosure in the near future) with our two children. we are in finiancial ruin. Heres to a better year.

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 4:38pm
Hello all,
I have very much appreciated writing and receiving advice on this board, and reading other posts. I'm 28, live in Europe (far from friends and family), have been with my husband for 8 yrs, married 4 yrs, separated 4 months, filed for a divorce late December. A year and a half ago, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I was devastated, but it opened up a can of worms...meaning that for the first time I questioned my happiness, my self, my marriage, my life...realized that I wasn't happy, wasn't living life to its fullest. We went back and forth for a year and a half, and finally I decided I wanted a divorce, and he decided he didn't anymore. It's an emotional roller coaster, and I'm never sure if I've made the right decision. Therapy has taught me that I'm at a crossroads and need to choose a path, knowing that to choose is always to give something else up, and knowing that if it's not the right path, I'll just turn around and start over. Still have a ways to go to be comfortable with myself and my choice...some days are better than others.
Thanks to all who have listened and offered advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:21am

Hey there everyone! I'm Becka. I live in Missouri with my beautiful, 8yr old daughter, Lauren. I've been divorced for 3 1/2 years, but I'm taking my ex back to court to raise child support and change custody arrangements. When we were married, there was lying, cheating, and mental abuse. I'm still working each day to recover from the mental abuse. He will never regain my trust.

The OW from the affair is now his wife. They got married last year (the day after dd's birthday) in order to present a more "wholesome" picture to the judge when we go back to court. They have 2 kids. I mentally send my condolences to their kids daily.

Right now, I'm scraping by, but too stubborn to give up. Lauren is having a very hard time with separation anxiety. She and I go to give depositions tomorrow. She is going to begin seeing her therapist (again) next Friday.

I'm a pretty open person. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

To all of you who are still going through your divorces, let me offer this. Stay Strong and stick to your guns. The Stbxs will do whatever they can to bring you down, make you feel guilty, manipulate you, etc. Don't fall for it. It is our first responsibility to our kids and ourselves. If the Stbxs really loved you, they wouldn't have treated you this way. It is all a sick game to them--don't believe otherwise. Please don't let yourself be bullied as I was. Learn from my mistake and PLEASE stand up for yourself--no one else will.

Favorite quote (paraphrased from "Princess Diaries"): "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Here's to being happier, healthier, and wiser in 2007. Good luck and lets go kick some loser butt!!

Becka

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 9:29am
Good luck today, Becka.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~