Joint Custody re: Medical
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 10-01-2006 - 3:26pm |
I hate my XH and vice versa. Our DD is 6yr old. She was 2 yr old when she was diagnosed with kidney reflux. She had a procedure when she was 3yr and then when she was 3 1/2 yr old she was discharged from the care of her pedicatric urologist. (meaning she was doing well enough she could just be followed by her pediatrician)
So last week DD wakes up at 1:45a.m. screaming she has to go to the bathroom and crying. If anyone has ever had a UTI you would scream too!!! Plus her pee stunk sooo bad!!!! She has history of fevers that range from 102 - 105!!! Yes!!! 105!!! No seizures thank God. So I page the doctor and he said to give her Tylenol and DD wanted to go back to sleep and he said he would see her in the a.m. So off and on about 3 more times she wakes up crying when she has to pee. Fever down a little but still a fever. We get into the physician and she still has a fever of 105 strip her down, dip her urine and she has a blazing UTI. They give her a mega dose of anitbiotic (Rocephin) and of course she (DD) is mad at me.
After this all happened and we leave the doctor's and not much more to do but continue Tylenol as directed for fever and we would have to wait to see what her culture grew so that he could treat with the correct anitbiotic.
I have physical custody with ex having joint custody. I have to inform him of medical things going on with our DD. If it is a cold I don't but this yes. So I call him after all of the above and he says to me "Well WTF is the doctor going to do and they better not be letting this go too long and why didn't they and what about this and blah blah blah!"
Note: DD had bilat tubes for ears put in earlier this March on his birthday we had following for a while and I let him know every date of the doctor's appts, tests and surgery and he complained about it left and right and saying that these Quacks and on and on better do this and that BUT NEVER showed up for any of the appts. or surgery. We live 1hr away from him but at the time his GF and their child lived in the same town as myself and our DD. He was able to travel to the same town for them but not for our DD appts or surgery.
So I said about her UTI this is what will happen. I will keep you informed. He talks to DD and that is the end. Well that was a Weds. Then on Thurs I am to call and check in with the doctor. I do explain that she is able to urinate without pain but she is still feverish and is vomitiing. He said he wants her in the hospital not emergency but as soon as we can get there. He doesn't want her dehydrated and wants to check her ultrasound of her kidneys. So I call XH and he only has a cell phone to let him know the deal well the GF answers and says he isn't available so I tell her to tell him to call the hospital ask for DD room and I will tell him more. 2hr go by and she answers the cell phone again and she says well he is at home and I have the cell phone (I find out after the fact that she is in town was at the same hospital having her pre adm testing for her upcoming C-section) and says I will let him know.
That whole night he never calls until Friday at 10:30 a.m. saying it was too late to call the night before. WHATEVER!!!! I tell him the update and let him talk to our DD. DD asks him to come see her and he says he will soon.
at 3 p.m. DD asks to call her dad again so I dial and let her talk and she says willl you come see me. He says yes I am on my way.
He shows up at 10:10 P.M. (find out after the fact he and his GF had to get their crap around so that they could come up to this town and stay until after their child was born that following Monday)
I couldn't help it I went off on him. saying that there was no reason he shouldn't have called and at least checked on his DD and that I don't care that he came but it was ourDD that wanted him there and this is how much she is important to him 7 hours later!!!
I only contacted him because I have too, he is behind on child support, his GF is on welfare for their children one child has GF last name and this new one has his last name but I have to hunt him down to tell him about medical on our DD -- something is not right here - my time with my child is way more important that tracking this &%$#(%^ down!
What do you think?!!

I think you should keep a very concise log of his failure to appear so to speak, especially knowing that he is in the same hospital where the child is.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
That's disappointing... and obviously, he's not going to do anything but be mouthy.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I think his behavior is very disappointing, but this is the way he has chosen to act. All you can do is continue to be the best mom you can, and keep your ex appraised of any new medical developments.
Does he have e-mail? If so, you might want to consider informing him of non-emergency problems what way. BUT...if he's like my ex, he'll just say he never saw them. Siiigghhhhh...the ex's!
He's a jerk and he's hurting his daughter.
The cold fact is that your daughter is chronically ill and will remain so for the forseeable future. Your ex needs to be reachable in one call.
He could buy a pay-as-you go cell phone for expressly for this purpose, and it will limit his financial exposure. Then he would have the daughter-phone.
I'd let him know that he either needs to do this, or sign over power-of-attorney (regarding your daughter's health and welfare) to you, including your ability to commit his funds to medical payments and your ability to authoirze medical treatment. Or he could surrender his joint custody.
Most custody agreements require mutual consent from both parents before any major medical actions are taken. It sounds like the two of you have joint custody, with you designated as the physical/custodial parent. So if there was an emergency that requried surgery, your daughter would have to wait.
So your ex, being unreachable, substantially compromises the medical options available to your daughter.
Given your daughter's health, that puts her in harms way. He needs to know that.