just barely keeping it together
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just barely keeping it together
| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 2:42pm |
I am just so miserable....I think for me, the hardest part is that I can not just yell at my h just yet.. Until the divorce is final, he is providing the finances for us to live and he uses it as a power trip. Anytime I say or do anything that does not make him happy...he threatens to cut off $$$....I know he is cheating on me...He has a girlfriend that he drives 6 hours to see....how can any one be worth breaking apart a good marriage and family and destroying lives for..then driving across country to have to see...what the hell...I just want to scream at him...he signed a lease for apt on thursday and is supposibly working this weekend...Has not moved out anything......Even got angry when I offered to box things up for him.....I am going to let him know that he needs to have his stuff out by the end of this week...then he only moved 2 miles away , calls daily to see how his kids are....you know, the kids that he has barely seen this month b/c he is off with a girl or working.....then, he insists on stopping by nightly usually about 1 to 1 1/2 hours after I have put children to bed and then upsets them b/c he wants to tuck them in...........I had to hold my crying 6 year old for an hour the other night b/c he was so upset when H left to go out on the town.....and H has nerve to say he is crying more b/c you are holding him.....he actually blamed it on me....This is the moron that took my 6 year old apartment huntig before we even told the children anything...I sometimes wonder if he is trying to deliberately scar our children or if he is just that ignorant.....I HATE HIM........I just want to grab him and scream in his face.....I hate you......I hate you b/c you met me and you knew this was going to happen.........you knew you would just cheat on me and toss me aside whenever you damn well pleased......Now, I am in my 30s with 3 small boys and a psycho stbx....no one is going to want me........who in their right mind mind would want me........I am just so lonely, I have no friends.....My family is not good in being there for me in bad times...they have pretty much avoided me...I just hope that it can not get lower than this.....sorry to vent...I am just at the end of my rope...

Hugs, Brenda