Just found out im getting a divorce
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Just found out im getting a divorce
| Sat, 05-05-2007 - 10:54am |
I am just looking for people to talk to that have been there or are going through this. My husband of fifteen years just asked for a divorce on tuesday. I was hurt and angry that he didnt want to work it out, but right now i realize that we are not meant to be married, or at least i have convinced myself of it right now. There was no cheating as far as I know just that he doesnt love me anymore.He has always provided for us ,been there for our girls and been a pretty good man. We are talking and figuring stuff out right now and trying to maintain a friendship. With that said, I am nervous about what will happen when we begin negotiating support payments, bills, etc. He wants to do this with a mediator to save money because we are not well off by any means. We owe more on our home than what we can probably sell it for, we have a huge stack of bills and he just started a new job a year ago so has a little in stock and hardly any in retirement. There just isnt much money to go after. So is a mediator a good idea or not. He has never shown me any reason to think he would screw me over. He has offered to take practically all the bills. I know the divorce is a good idea because we were not good together. any advice?

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I just wanted to say welcome and I am sorry you have to join us. You seem very calm about this which is admirable.
Mediation is much recommended and if your stbx gives you no reason to doubt his sincerity then it is a good route as long as you have a good mediator (feel free to interview a few) and you have your own lawyer to review any proposed settlement and answer any legal questions (often mediators won't opine on the law because they need to stay neutral).
That said we have has a long and not terribly fruitful mediation.
Now that the lawyer bills are really wracking up though I think we are especially motivated to force the process along.
How old are your children? Are you working? You will need to think about a parenting plan as well.
Gl and tell us more when you can!
M
Hi, I'm new here too.
I took on the low end for the amount I wanted but I agreed on less time.
Oh sweetie, I totally understand where you are coming from.
thank you for the tip on the resource. I will check it out. You seem so peaceful and positive. I hope I can stay that way.
Keep it "friendly" if you can. He is probably doing so out of guilt and residual affection for you (he doesn't wish you ill, just doesn't want to be with you kinda stuff) and concern for his kids. I am not excusing him, mind you!
As for your perspective -- keeping it "friendly" can get you the best deal (so to speak) and it best for protecting your children from the worst fallout from the divorce. No matter how it goes down it is still really hard on the kids, mind you.
We are maybe reaching a "friendly" stage, but my stbx is pretty ify so I can't count on him to be consistent. I still find it unforgiveable, but I gotta do the best I can for my children and myself. I especially want to keep things as "positive" as I can in terms of working on caring for our children together.
GL and stay around!
M
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