Just found out im getting a divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Just found out im getting a divorce
15
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 10:54am
I am just looking for people to talk to that have been there or are going through this. My husband of fifteen years just asked for a divorce on tuesday. I was hurt and angry that he didnt want to work it out, but right now i realize that we are not meant to be married, or at least i have convinced myself of it right now. There was no cheating as far as I know just that he doesnt love me anymore.He has always provided for us ,been there for our girls and been a pretty good man. We are talking and figuring stuff out right now and trying to maintain a friendship. With that said, I am nervous about what will happen when we begin negotiating support payments, bills, etc. He wants to do this with a mediator to save money because we are not well off by any means. We owe more on our home than what we can probably sell it for, we have a huge stack of bills and he just started a new job a year ago so has a little in stock and hardly any in retirement. There just isnt much money to go after. So is a mediator a good idea or not. He has never shown me any reason to think he would screw me over. He has offered to take practically all the bills. I know the divorce is a good idea because we were not good together. any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 9:08pm
Hello,
New here unfortunately. But I have been trying to find some sight like this out here since I have no one else to talk to. Well I have been going to a marriage counselor but when you are doing that on your own it is not helping much. Anyway, I was just needing somewhere to vent and somewhere to get advice I guess. I just found out this is going to be inevitable also and have been trying to do everything I can think of to stop it, But I guess when guys decide they are done they are done. My question is about the kids, mine are older, we even have grandkids but also a 14 year old. They have no idea that there is anything wrong and I know that they are going to devistated. Unfortunately evreyone my husband talks to is a guy and they all say the kids will be fine. I on the other hand don't think that is the case just baste on all the divorced kids I know. My husband has been working out of town and coming home on weekends but he hasn't been happy and he says he hasn't been for years. Just staying because he felt it was the right thing to do.
I don't know how to do this at all, except for the fact that I am trying to hold it all together so that I don't have to hurt the kids if we don't have to. I am pretty sure he is done though although he still says he loves me and talks to me every night. He just doesn't want to be married anymore. I have ADD and he is just tired of having to deal with my issues, even though I have been working for months now finally trying to get help with it. Anyway what is the best way to tell your children? ANy ideas. I am waiting at least 3 more weeks so that exams can be over before I do anything so if anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.
Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 5:49pm

Just take it one day at a time. Definitely get a mediator...That way everything is on the up and up. I feel for you and your situation. I am thankful that we didn't have any children but cheating was involved. As Jerry Springer-ish my story is your sound like a piece of cake. Take care of yourself and your girls!!

Peace

milla1471

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:42pm
Joy, your story sounds SO much like mine!

Nadine - deenie1979

jesussig.jpg image by nadine1979

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:25am
Thank you for your response. We are going to try to not use lawyers. As long as things go along smoothly and he continues to be reasonable, i dont see why not. I love him even though we are divorcing so there is no need for me to be nasty. I just have to stay smart.I did get a book called "the absolute idiots guide to surviving divorce" lol. It actually covers alot of important stuff though. I am glad to hear that someone was successful using mediation. I just want things to stay civil so we can still parent our children after it is all done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:20pm

I hear that.

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