Just Getting Started- Divorce Sucks!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 05-12-2006 - 11:01am |
Hi everyone. My husband and I decided that in early March we would split up. He didn't have the money to move out right away, so for awhile he was sleeping in an extra bedroom. He just got moved out into his own apartment a couple of weeks ago.
We have an 8 month old daughter. I honestly felt like I was depressed after she came along, but since my husband and I have been split up, I have been so much happier. Like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders. We had alot of problems where we just didn't have anything in common and then he began smoking pot and I'm very anti-drug so that was the definite deal breaker for me.
About a month ago, even though I wasn't really looking, I started talking to a very nice guy. He's really easy to talk to. We have alot in common and we both like each other alot. My husband knew about this from almost the beginning and we've had several big fights because of it. Part of it is he's mad because he think I've "gotten over him" so quickly and another reason I think is because he's jealous that he doesn't have someone.
My husband was never really a violent person. He was more the type to say things to hurt me. But since all of this he's punched holes in my walls, broken his cellphone in half and almost broke mine in half, locked me out of our checking account, threatened to take our daughter away, threatened to kill the guy I'm seeing (I have this saved as a text message), etc.
It's becoming a very violent situation and I honestly believe I'm being mentally abused. Yesterday we attempted to go to lunch and bring our daughter. I wanted to go because I didn't want him taking her for the day and me not knowing where she was. He put me down the entire time and questioned me on this other guy and just kept getting more and more angry. I wanted to leave, but my daughter was in his arms so I had to sit there and put up with it and try to find some way to talk him into taking her back to daycare so that just me and him could talk. I honestly believe he has mental problems. He's had problems with depression and such before. When he finally left, he was supposedly headed to this guy's house to shoot him or fight him or whatever he was going to do. Of course he did nothing.
Yesterday I finally made the decision to file for divorce. I want to make sure that all of our rights are being protected and right now I feel so unsafe with the situation. I told him I was filing and he got super angry and that's when he locked me out of the checking account. Thankfully he only changed the pin # to get in online so I just went to the bank and withdrew all of my money. He said that he wanted our daughter every other day and since it was shared, he wouldn't be giving me ANY money. He's only saying those things to upset me. He doesn't even have the time to have her every other day. Later on he called and left me a voicemail that said he was only saying that to hurt me and that he was sorry (I have that saved too).
Last night he went on


Boy, your situation sucks. Mine is bad too (we have an almost 1 year old), but there is not violence involved.
Anyway, I'm in TX too. I would definitely get the Temporary Restraining Order (TRO). It will prevent him from taking you off insurance, cleaning out accounts, selling the house, etc. If he does stuff like that w/o a TRO in place, you really have no recourse. Ya know?
Also, my understanding is that child support is 20% of monthly take-home pay, and if you're not working right now, he should help you with the bills until the divorce is final. The financial support he provides does have to be within reason based on what he makes, though.
Best of luck.
:-)
You need to tell the lawyer about the threats!! That is serious. Good luck. And I will pray for you.
Hi, and welcome to the board!
I can relate to your situation....OK, everyone, the co-CL is going to come clean here, so hang on to your hats......
My Ex and I started seriously talking about divorce in June of 2005. I had been miserable for YEARS in the marriage. I had been in therapy, and my counselor even suggested that I file for divorce, which is something she rarely does. By early July, we had decided to go through with it. The only way I could get the retainer fee for my lawyer and the money for a deposit on an apartment was to take a loan out against my 401k, which took a little over a month to process.
Now....within a few weeks of my moving out in late August, I began seeing an old friend of mine. I had known him for years. Believe me, I know conventional wisdom tells you NOT to do this, you need time to heal....etc. But we really had an amazing connection, and I didn't want to tell him to go away just because the timing wasn't perfect. My Ex found out about him (by breaking into my e-mail and online phone records) and went off the deep end. I even went back to my ex for a couple of days out of guilt, but then knew 100% I could not be with him (ex), and I was truly over him.
Fast forward to November. Ex comes into my house to pick up our son, we have words, and he hits me in the face. Now, this guy is a out 6' and 280, and could probably tear me apart in about 2 seconds. I tried to lunge for the phone to call for help, but he yanked the cord out of the wall. It was VERY scary. To this day, I really feel uncomfortable around him after that. Almost a year later, with the divorce final, he is STILL running aroung like a maniac, screaming how he wants my bf and I to die.
OK, so what was the point of this story? LOL. Be VERY careful. When you bring new people into the situation, it can be very volatile. I really do have a wonderful relationship with my bf, and love him more than anything. But dealing with my ex's constant irrational behavior is VERY difficult. So if you choose to pursue this relationship, just know that you are in for
Hi and Welcome...
Wow... that's all I can think of... I'm glad to hear that you have an attorney... he needs to know about all of the threats and everything else... you also need to make sure your rights (and your little one's--she's precious, by the way) are protected to... so see if there is a temporary order that can be filed to get support started... hate to break it to your stbx, but joint custody does not mean no child support... and to protect the assets that you and your stbx hold in common right now... the threats and the violent behavior need to be known... did you ever call the police on him so there is a record of it?
Good Luck and keep us posted!
*hugs*
Julie
Thank you so much for all of your replies! It's very comforting to know that many of you are or have been through similar situations.
Here's an update on what's going on:
I got the locks changed the day that pulled all of this. He got upset when he found out I took my $2500 out of the checking account because we had "bill pay payments" set up to go out that night so when they went out, the account was overdrafted. But since he had blocked me from getting in online I had no idea how much the bills were and didn't have a way to cancel them. Of course that turned into me "f'ing him over" again. Anyways I gave him the money that I owed for the bills and that was settled.
He did pretty good this weekend. He calmed down and we talked and he kept our daughter on Friday night/Saturday morning. She got an ear infection and was crying alot so Mommy to the rescue and I had to come pick her up early Saturday.
Yesterday was my birthday and my new friend cooked dinner for me. I was really worried about that but nothing happened. He says he accepts it now. I think it helps that he went out with someone and had sex with them last Thursday night. Whatever it takes! The only thing was he attempted to go to the house to get some of his stuff while I was out and he found out the locks were changed. He said he was going to try and kick in the door but finally decided it wasn't worth it and just had me bring the stuff to him that he wanted once I got home.
Now this morning is a different story. He's begging me not to file divorce papers. He says he's going to refuse to sign them, which I don't think that matters does it? Just might take awhile longer. He keeps txt messaging me asking me if I'm really going to do this, he's always going to resent me for this, telling me that I'm listening to my friends and that I don't really want to do this, etc. and I'm trying to tell him that I'm doing this so that we BOTH have some type of legal rights. He swears he's not going to go psycho anymore (that's what he said last time) and I hate hurting him like this but I can't keep going on the way things are going. Yes, it hurts that we're ending our marriage but why in the world would we stay married when I know 100% that I'd rather be alone than be with him.
My lawyer is supposed to come by my work today with the paperwork. Wish me luck!