Just getting started w/all this....
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| Thu, 08-16-2007 - 9:34pm |
I'm somewhat new to all this. I've responded in other discussions, but now I feel that I need some advice.
I've been separated for: 38 days, & it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I left my husband.....thought it would make him come to his senses, but instead, all I did was open the door for him to get an easy way out, or so he thought.
He had been essentially absent from our marriage for longer than I care to recall. There was always some extra curricular activity that took him out of the house....without me, of course.....bowling, darts, NASCAR, poker, golf, etc....He was distant & cold, always in his own world. Thank god we have no children. He would have been a dreadful father. I have a 22 yr old son in his last yr of college. My H totally dismissed my son, the majority of the time. My son was never concerned w/this man's attitude, for the most part. I have put-up w/so much in the past 6 yrs, because I thought I loved this man & he was just going thru some type of mid-life crisis, early, & it would improve/pass.
Then, I received a letter in the mail on: 7-3-05, advising me that my H was having an affair w/a co-worker. We both worked for the same large corporation at that time, & he begged me not to do anything...that is was not true, fist of all, & they could both possibly be fired if this got out. I was totally devastated, but believed him & honored what he asked me to do. I never even went to the floor where she sat. My H left the company for a better job shortly after that, & I have recently went looking for her, to find-out that she has also quit or been fired.
I also found another woman in my house 12 days after I left....I have been been back in my house for: 3 weeks now. I did not get to see her, but on 7-20-07, she had spent the night, because I found her things in my bedroom the next day,& she was still in my house on: 7-22-07, at 9:00pm, when I stopped by there for a couple of things, & my H would not let me in. After going around the world & back, he finally admitted that there was a woman in my house, but refused to allow me in. Later that same night, he moved-out & I moved back-in in a few days. He is adamant that she is "just a friend who needed a place to stay for a couple of nights". What an amazing idiot he is !! There have been other jewels just like this, in the past 38 days. It's like something out of an LMN movie, or a soap opera.
I now have to decide whether to enter adultery into the divorce. I never knew who sent me the anonymous letter 2 yrs ago, but I still have it, & I took pictures of that woman's things in my house. I also had someone w/me the day I found them there.
This is going to get ugly & messy, & I so dread it.
Any advise will be helpful. I'm seeing an attorney soon...my H has already filed legal separation papers that I've had on my counter w/the other junk mail since: 7-25-07. He didn't waste anytime, did he ?? He thought I would want to move this along.
Sorry this is so long. Just so much to say. Thanks for any advice I can get.
Aleta

Suing for adultery is probably not going to get you much, since there are no children involved. My lawyer told me that an adultery verdict would only help a final settlement a little, maybe 5%, at most 10% (and again, only if children were involved). It seems suing for adultery is more a way to assuage the hurt you feel for his indiscretion and infidelity.
Clearly, your H is a jerk, one who has been cheating on you, and keeping you isolated and distanced for a long time. You can choose to use the D process to hurt him, or you can choose to make sure you get what you deserve, without all the fireworks. Tell your lawyer everything, and let him advise you on the best course of action. It sounds like you might want to "move this process along" since your H has been out of this M much longer than you have.
Protect yourself. Get what is coming to you. But don't expect H to find his "epiphany" just because you make the process harder. He sounds like a hard core cheater, one you will be best to let go as quickly as you can.
Lazy:)
Thanks for your reply. I really do appreciate it. I'll be getting an attorney soon. I'm sure getting professional input will clear-up a lot of this for me. Unfortunately, in my state...NC, we must be separated 1 yr in order to get a D. I guess that's why I say "I'm just getting started".
Aleta