"just let it go"
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| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:51pm |
that is what my therapist said to me today during our session. I wish I could.
I'm wondering if anyone can help me figure this out. I don't want him, I don't love him (at least not who he is now), I don't even like who he is now. But I think about him a lot, I'm insanely jealous of what he is doing with his girlfriend. Why couldn't he do those things with me? he was always too busy...I know "just let it go". They bought a house are moving in a couple of months, buying new furniture for the kids rooms as well as theirs. (all the furniture in my house is used, I "borrowed" the kids beds from my mom & sister, I sleep on a mattress on the floor & have his furniture from his first marriage in my bedroom)..I know "just let it go"
What am I getting out of this?...I can't even see him when he drops off the kids anymore because there is usually a fight & the kids were getting too upset. He has no respect for me or "boundaries" I set up. I just end up getting angry & looking like the psycho-ex from h*ll.
Any advice? I would appreciate it, really.
Thanks
Annette

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you are absolutely right.. I have done alot over the past year..little things like...taking the car in for service..getting the furnace cleaned...arranging for snow plowing of the driveway...a few of the things I saw as "his" jobs...
the best thing I have done, despite my insecurities, is NOT totally crumbled...I'm still hanging in there!
thanks
I will try..but its hard when I worked a 12 hr shift. I'm tired...come home,pick up the kids and then have to come home & make dinner & do the "mom" thing...then get up at 5am & do it all again.
When I know that he couldn't take the kids on "his" weekend because they are "going out of town"..
green eyed monster!!!
thats for you input :)
that is so funny...I don't know what book you read it in..but I just heard it on Dr Phil yesterday...they had on a couple who "couldn't get along"
It is such a simple statement but is profound in a way...hit me right where it hurts..
"but there are times I've realized I could talk myself blue in the face about our son's care and my ex is just not going to see it my way."
EXACTLY...my ex never has & never will..slowly I'm giving up on it..he just doesnt care..simple as that...
thanks
Annette
My ex cares about our son - to a degree - but he puts other things in a higher priority than our son.
Our son was pretty developmentally delayed - he was in a special education class for a year and a half. He is in a regular kindergarten classroom now, but he is still getting speech therapy. He also has a lot of autistic characteristics. My ex just doesn't quite seem to 'get' what it is our son needs - I've tried so often to talk to him and most of it just goes in one ear and out the other. He sometimes treats ds in ways that just don't work well with who ds is.
The fiancee has tried to learn more about dealing with a child who may be autistic, but she doesn't have kids of her own and it seems like she doesn't have much of a clue as to what is best for ds. I worried way too much about how they were possibly treating my son last year and I argued - a lot - with the ex about things he was doing that were truly upsetting our son. Lately, I've tried to just let go of all of that. They've told me they are happy with the current visitation, so that means that they aren't going to be spending much time with ds anyway. I remind myself I have other things that I need to put my energies towards.
I feel like I am carrying such a big burden sometimes - but my son is a wonderful child and I love him dearly. I can't imagine my life without him.
Take care!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
abbynwb,
My closest friend (and fellow psychologist and teacher) has TWO autistic kids. I don't know how she does it. I do know that she is under tremendous stress and strain and I admire your strength- having to go through a divorce also! It sounds like you both are trying to work things out regarding raising your son, but it must be very difficult. Take care and good luck.
Laura
I am right there with you, I would have never made it through this last year without my kids and couldnt ever imagine myself without them.
My stbx also cares "to a degree" but he takes them for granted expecting them to always be there & so he puts other things first...sad
sounds like your ds is very lucky to have a mom like you..and you are both lucky to have a bf like yours
all the best
((hugs))
Annette
My son has never been officially diagnosed as autistic - he was just more than 2 standard deviations from the norm on three areas of the Vineland survey. His special ed preschool teacher said she'd worked with a lot of autistic children and that my son had many of the same behavioral characteristics. As time goes by, my son seems to function better - we have seen my son progress by leaps and bounds with his social skills and his speech.
My sister says she thinks he may be a high-functioning autistic. It seemed like my son got so much from his special ed preschool teacher - I am grateful that she was able to do so much for him. I had a friend in college that has an autistic child - and they have been fortunate to find good help as well.
I think what helps me deal with it is that my son has had good teachers that have shared their knowledge with me and my sister has been very supportive. I also just try to enjoy and love my son for who he is.
You take care too!
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