Just looking for a place to land....
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| Fri, 10-20-2006 - 9:39am |
Im a 48yr old recently divorced mom of 3 children. I have a 25yr old marine son stationed in Germany who has had 2 tours of Iraq. I have an 8yr and 7yr daughters.
The past 2yrs have been extremly emotional in the fact that I lost my sister to breast cancer after a 3yr battle. Our father has been diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer which has decided to mastate throughout his body. My divorce was final in March after a 12yr reign with a alcholic. I've started college and of course why not hot flashes! :)
Last week my 8yr olds teacher called me in to say she feels that my daughter should be tested for ADD. With every thing I've handled the last two years, for some reason I am cracking. I just am lookin for different veiws from anyone who has or is going through this emotional rollercoaster.
I have no support from the ex. My family is supportive yet are dealing with the losses we have encountered and the prospect of losing another. I'm not looking for sympathy, just someone who understands that divorce itself is like death and adding the other speedbumps of Life can be frustrating.
I really don't know where to turn with the ADD problem. I've talked with the school principle and our pediatrican. We are just starting to take steps. I just feel as though I've run out of energy and guess I looking for a place to land and share.

As for the death (s) they are pain and stress providers. The loss of a loved one can never truly be measured but grief and sorrow are a major part in the healing process. In time, you will heal..I promise you! ..This year I lost my Mother and my Godmother ( who was closer to me than my mom ) to death, and my husband to adultery within a six-month period. Although I miss my mom and my Godmother, their wonderful memories, bring me comfort now, not pain or quilt. I sort of look at it as thought their spirits are with me.
It also must be extremely difficult for you and your family right now regarding your Dad.
Prayers that he is pain free and surrounded with love.
The weight on your shoulders with school and all ( it's amazing you haven't completely broken down)....there's just only so much of you that can go around. Please, if possible, do something good for yourself each day. Although others need you to be strong in the face of your own adversity, You also could use love, compassion, pats on back, and few super hugs. You are not asking for sympathy, just needing some way to get out some very tough feelings and frustrations, and if you need to to vent or cry or scream you sure as hell are entitled to it... faced with a recent past fraught with pain, the immediate present with it's trials, and the certainty and uncertainty of the future. You're not a super hero, you did not choose for any of this to happen,( except perhaps college..a positive step) but it is what it is, you got a different roll of the dice. All you can do is control yourself, as hard as that sounds because mom's, wives, and daughter's want to be "fixers" but all we can do is be there for others giving our love to them, what ever advice they might deign to listen to, and to be strong enough to let go. Be strong enough not to let yourself go and make sure to give yourself love and attention....((((hugs))) Cee
I'm glad that you found a place to land :-)
The thing about your post that struck me the most.... is about your daughter. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take into account exactly when her issues started... in relation to the changes at home.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Cee, thank you so much for your insight. It is truly comforting and helpful to know that there are others who can understand what life is handing you. I find the most comfort in knowing the even if our travels encounter medication, that it will help her and not squelch her enthusasium for life. I so worried that it would alter her to the state of "zombie" so to speak.
I have been doing alot of research, questioning, and indepth reading on ADD/ADHD. I thank you for your input.
My eyes teared up as I read your entry, it is so sorrowful that their are others who also are feeling or who have felt the despair and frustrations that are in our pathway of life right now. I would not wish it on my worse enemy. Thank you again for you post and may you have a wonderful day
Karen thank you for your reply. The first person I contacted was her pediatrician. We are just starting some test. I too have the concerns that it could be due to everything that is going on in our lives. There is nothing at any level of normality, we are trying though :)
I've talked with the principle and have a appointment with the school phsycologist next week. She is failing math and I have called to get a tutor, although the ped doc stated that if she does have ADD, and she believes she is at the cusp, a tutor will not help. But, I have already contacted and am making arrangements, for it will help me.
For me right now medication is our furthest step. I'm not opposed, for I have read and research alot just in the last week. I'm just not ready, to me we don't have enough info. One day at a time, I just felt beaten down when I received this news. And it is comforting to get other peoples input, exspecially when they are not your family. :)
Thanks for the welcome!!
I'm glad to hear that you are taking the meds part of it seriously enough to *wait* until you get more info. before even considering that option.
I do disagree about the tutor thing and it not helping.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
hi - wow, you certainly have a lot going on in your life right now! huge huge huge hugs i am sorry for all that you have suffered and send you hugs and prayers
i just wanted to reply to the ADD issue - if indeed your dd had add or adhd - she needs to be tested and willl receive help. its not so terrible and she is certainly young enuf so that she can get the right help. is her teacher aware of what is going on at home? we are actually just now dealing with this - my DS has ALWAYS had problems, he was diagnosed with ADHD at age 13 but i was never sure about that diagnose, and recently my 48 YO BROTHER was tested and found to have ADD and he gave me a book to read so now *I* am going to get myself tested. so - there is a lot of material out there and alot of help available. a WONDERFUL book is 'driven to distraction' and he also has a wonderful website with loads of information http://www.drhallowell.com/index.html
as karen said - it could very well be directly connected to the divorce, but then again, it could be that the divorce just brought things out to the open.
good luck (i also went back to school two years ago - i am now 46 )