Just looking for support and a friend
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| Sun, 02-17-2008 - 5:28pm |
I am looking for some help and support. I am in a strange situation. I have been married for 20 years and am basically single now. Due to money issues, we still live in the same house but things are over. He is at the opposite ends of the house. He has great medical insurance which I need. We plan to stay married but we separated until one of us finds someone else. The medical insurance at my work is horrible and I just can't afford it. I need his great coverage.
We have really been struggling the last six months and we have decided it is over. I had always thought I would be married to one person and one person alone. To make things worse, he is the only person I have ever been with - so it is hard to even think of someone else. I can't go back as we can salvage things - I can't do it on his terms - but I have no idea how to move forward.
I am lucky. I have great friends and great kids. Of course, everyone thinks we will get back together but it isn't going to happen - we already tried. I just can't do it on his terms. I can't take the lock on his phone for the text messages and phone calls. He is basically doing what he wants. It is time I move forward.
One good thing - I am kept pretty busy. I work full time and I am refereeing soccer for extra money. It is ironic that I started this to help with the money problems but my being gone has contributed to the end of my marriage. Life is so ironic. Now - this is good because I am not home alot so even though we still reside in the same house, I don't have to see him much.
Yes, it is a strange setup but the only way I can afford to live right now. We have some major debt - which also led to the downfall of my marriage.
I am just hoping to meet some nice, supportive people who understand how I feel and just be there.
Look forward to hearing from someone,
Unhappy,
Dawna

I was with my common law husband for 26 yrs, met him when I was 16 yrs old, moved in together when I was 6 months short of my 18th birthday.
Hi Dawna,
Hi,
I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now and you really will need a lot of support. Remember you aren't alone. XH and I lived on opposite ends of the house for two years before we divorced. It sucked! We didn't want to be together but there we were. If you know it can't be fixed then try your best to start thinking like you're single. It's good you've taken up a hobby, that helps a lot! Also, if you're concerned about insurance, you can have it put into your divorce papers that he carries you for a certain amount of time, push for as long as you can!
Even though it's a "strange setup" don't feel you owe him anything, it doesn't sound like either of you want to try, but X's have a really bad habit of manipulating you. Then they will never go away! EVER!!!! Which in turn will make it a million times harder to move on and find someone else, if that ever interests you.
I remember the first thing I did after H moved out...I sent my D to my mom's, took a hot bath, broke open a bottle of wine and watched a movie I wanted to see. It's nice when you're single, it's the one time in your life you get to be selfish, you get to do what you want and find out after 20 years what you enjoy and who you are again.
(((((HUGS)))))