Just me rambling, any one have advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Just me rambling, any one have advice...
5
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 1:24pm

Hi all,

Haven't been around the board for a long time it seems like... I had a quick question. When I left my XH in 11/2003, I kind of just went through the motions.... I finally got officially divorced, in 6/04. Long before I left, I had mentally left, just like so many of you on this board. I dated, different guys, all through out my divorce proceedings, and then I found the one I really fell for about a year ago. We have been seriously dating since ~7/04... But now I am starting to have second thoughts, about if I want to spend the rest of my life with this person... We are not engaged, not living together, just really spend the weekends together, because during the week we live ~1 hr, each way from each other, and it just doesn't make sense for us to see each other during the week. So, I guess my main question is how normal is it to have strong doubts about continuing to date this wonderful, guy? He is absolutely perfect and treats me like a princess a complete opposite from my XH. But I just am not as in to him as I used to be... I think some of it has to be the fact that we see eachother only on the weekends, and then I rarely see my friends, which is my choice, but is starting to drain on me. I also feel like he always has a strong opinion on everything and sometimes, I want to just say shut up already... He really doesn't like my friends too much, because they all go out and party a lot still and he is always tired and wants to stay in on the weekends and grab dinner, and we are in bed at 10 PM, sometimes we go out but it is only when I complain about it. Which I know is my fault too, I guess, I need to tell him what I want/need... but part of me wonders if all this is so petty, and I am just looking for a reason to not have to commit to a relationship. I wonder if I will ever be able to commit fully to one person for ever...

Okay I am totally rambling I guess I just need to write down my emotions, and when I was going through my divorce the divorced and under 30 board really helped me, get through it....

Any thoughts?

Thank you Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 1:30pm

I wonder if maybe he's your transitional guy. If so, he's never going to be the one for you, he was just the one for you for a while. Usually we all need some time totally on our own to live our lives the way we want without someone else involved. Being single for a while is a good thing, and if it's for a long while that's not bad either. You shouldn't be in a relationship just to be in one, so if it doesn't feel right, get out of it.

I have a hard time communicating my needs. It's just habit for me to expect him to read my mind and then deal with the disappointment. Learning how to turn this around for me has not been easy, and I know I would not be where I am today without a really good therapist.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 2:38pm

I am in total agreement with firstamendment! This guy, and we know you care about him, is more than likely, your rebound relationship after divorce. While it was great for awhile, you now need to branch out on your own and rediscover what you really need. Get going girl! It can't hurt to find out what's out there!

Hugs!

Melanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 8:44am

Hey... good to see ya!


I think that it's normal to lose those feelings after that period of time.... the new wears off... but it's also important to make sure that you are nurturing the other relationships in your life.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 8:54am

I had this problem too when I first met my SO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:21pm
It sounds like you are starting to get bored with this guy because he actually treats you with respect. He is a nice guy and many women put themselves in a catch-22 because they say they want a guy who is caring and respectful, when in reality they get tired of someone who treats them well. Let's be honest - many women like "bad boys" and the excitement and conflict that comes with having a relationship with one of them. However, I think you may end up with another guy like your ex-husband if you decide to end this current relationship. You have to be honest with yourself and ask if you really are attracted to men like your ex. Unfortunately nice guys do finish last on many occasions...